WAW, Filing as Fast as Possible

[aeolianchaos]

Ok.

So I wrote WAW back and kept it short. Relatively speaking at least - acknowledged what she said, and asked her two questions about what she said

WAW "I feel like we should talk, but I don't know how to go about doing that.. or if you're up to it."

My response: "What would you like to talk about? If you feel unsure or worried about it, would you feel better doing it with someone else present to mediate or moderate?"

I feel like this both validates her feelings and confronts her with some of what I really feel is over the top dramatization of things. If anything comes to where she is staying, she peels off the COA sticker and it magically arrives in my mailbox.

Ironically - I know where she is because somehow my magazine subscriptions got redirected there, too, when she changed her address. I really don't care where she is staying. Its her own mythology that I would somehow be following or pursuing her. I think I can say I haven't even looked at her FB profile in almost a month - so why would I waste time and the car's gas peeking around?

I have better things to do with my time - like pick my nose or draw shapes on a piece of paper.

I have been reading a lot of Pema Chodron lately, and I'm struck by this theme that comes up - about standing on the edge and not being right or wrong.. allowing yourself to be groundless and just experience. I can't help but think of a) how it relates to what I'm experiencing right now and b) how it relates to much of Schnarch's Passionate Marriage.

What does it mean to just allow for that kind of destabilized feeling or to in fact willingly move into it? I think its a way of accepting fear, acknowledging it, but staying true to yourself at the same time. But then, what is the self? This is where I get a little stuck. I'm pretty familiar with the concept of Anatta (not-self) but I have always felt like it referred more to the idea that much of what we see as "us" is actually not us at all, and is certainly not solid. But that there is a self that exist behind that (this pops up a lot in Eckert Tolle's work as well) and that self sees the folly in much of what our other self places so much value and weight on. But does that 'self' evolve, too? Or is it a question of expressing that self more fully in our lives?


One thing that makes me feel a little sentimental - The Harry Potter Movie. When W and I were on our honeymoon, she picked up one of the books for the plane ride across the country. We ended up both reading the entire series that summer and we've seen all the movies together. So, its a little sad that the last one is finally out and we won't be able to see it. I'm okay with that sadness - it isn't about HP7 - its about doing things together and realizing that its gone.