Hi Brian, thanks for checking in, you're a sweetheart.
I'm still frustrated with the situatin somewhat, but I made the decision long ago if anyone is going to pull the trigger on our M and start proceedings it's him. I have "taken" enough responsibility on in my life with out this added stress, and it will be a stress.
About myself I feel good, there is always room to improve but right now, I'm not the same devastated, emotionally fragile, self-esteem blown to hell person I was. I have done a lot of healing a lot of evaluating and self discovery, a lot of forgiving of myself and and others. I am getting much better at having few expectations/letting go of attachments to people/things I thought I needed for my survival, and just focusing on controlling that which is in my control...me mainly. I thank you for your prayers Brian, I appreciate them greatly. I still haven't found my God connection, but I am listening to that very quiet voice inside of me. I've been ignoring it too long and overruling it with logic and what seems more sensible at the time, to my cost.
Hope all is well with you and I think about you/pray for you often as well.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Update - Nothing much has changed. I'm still doing what I'm supposed to do. He accidently pocket dialed me from his cell phone at 5 in the morning I knew it was him because of call display. Woke me out of a sound sleep. I (joked) texted him later that the least he could have done was make it an obscene phone call. Had fun pulling his leg about that, he did play along. Later today he texted me he was on his way, I texted him back that he could take his time, I would be home at such and such a time. He didn't read my text, and showed up on my doorstep as I was ready to leave to pick up the kids from camp. I said, " Sorry, I have to leave, I'll be back shortly, you should get yourself a coffee in the meantime, and I left. When I came back he was waiting and I said nothing and went to open our home so the kids could drop off their stuff. he stayed in his vehicle and did not come to the door so I came out again to give him the documents and book he had lent me,( He did ask me how I liked it.) and told the kids to have a good time. Then I turned my back and walked away without looking back or waving.
The way I'm feeling ...I'd rather absolutely no contact with this man at all, and I get the distinct impression that if it weren't for the fact I'm primary custodian of our children, he'd rather I disappear too.
Am I a fool to even DB anymore? Is it time to sever all ties?
I'm starting to think life is far too short to love/want someone who doesn't love/want you back.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Let the inevitable happen, give up on preventing a divorce (it's not in my control anyway, it never was). Find someone else that actually gives 2cents.
I have seen too many on these boards fight a losing battle. Yes they recused themselves, but the did not prevent the dissolution of their marriage and their relationship with their spouses.
Sorry, but it's how I see things right now.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Yes not that saving yourself is a small thing. However. it's not "busting" a divorce or restoring a relationship and that was the goal was it not?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I hated London. I like my city. I love the mountains.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
