There are many times in life that it is all about the chase, for sure.
I have told people that a D doesn't have to be the end of a future with the WAS again. But, IMO, if you continue to have this R with your W after the D, then I believe she'll have the best of both worlds and will not be motivated to end her little fantasy world to join you 100% in M. Why should she?
If you hang around with her, and on her terms, for six months...you'll be in just limbo till I don't know if you'll be able to say, "okay, I'm done for good" and keep away from her. She'll throw in just enough to keep you hanging and thinking maybe these are "baby-steps" and we'll finally get back together.
Speaking as a woman, I think your best option is to drop her like a hot potato the minute she files. No more being around when she needs a plumber, electrician, gardener, babysitter, etc. She can find most things in the yellow pages. She needs to have the full impact of her new found freedom! But if you're there to fill in the empty places....it won't cut it. Make it a clean break. Let her feel the shock, b/c she will be shocked that you had the strength to have a life without her in the center of it.
It is after she files that you need to start being a single man, and living like it. I do not think you need to do any serious dating, but I think you should find some new female friends to go out with. When your W's jealousy starts the little nosy questions or snide remarks about you seeing somebody, you do know the "standard" answer don't you? "We are just friends!!!"
Your W hasn't missed you yet. I think she needs to miss being with you, and that won't happen if she's seeing you or making contact every day. I think if anything would shock her back to her senses, it would be to see her H interested...and excited about being free to date. And, she will experience different emotions at different times and on different level. She thought she was D you, but she never expected you to move forward,
Use those six months to get use to the idea you're divorced and free. Allow the much needed time for healing and if you need to get a different therapists just for yourself to get better (and not try to get MC), then you could get that under your belt. By the time the first six months was up, look where you would be! Then, it sounds like you could go out and enjoy life the way you should. Check Spelling
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
