Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

Its been so long since I have posted. Generally I have been holding up well. Almost a whole month went by without too much ripples. But not much progress either. Just little baby steps, with some backward steps as well.

We had a tense moment was last weekend. We have not been ML for sometime now, and I am really missing that. I tried to initiate but for the first time was rejected. That did hurt, but I sort of expected that to happen someday, so it wasn't a huge thing for me. He tried to explain but in the end he was the one who could not talk and just said he felt so stuck. He then was so nice to me the rest of the weekend, even bringing the whole family out to eat in a resort on Sunday, where he proceeded to put food in my plate, was so attentive and nice.

We had another small fight over phone calls the other day. Same type of situation. I really have to try to stay away from that phone. He just feels like I am snooping and breathing down his neck. Again, after the fight he was nice to me.

There are also some small changes I notice: he now always calls me to let me know what time he will be home. Before, he would just leave the house without informing us, now he always says bye first. He also waited for me yesterday to go to the gym (he hasn't really done that in weeks, unless I request for it).

But still, it just seems like it will be this way forever, and I AM SO TIRED of not being loved that I just want to throw in the towel and give up. I tell myself sometimes........ OK, i will just have to do this until D12 graduates.....

Then I think of all my promises to myself to stand for this M....