What Now

[gr8 day 2B alive]

BM,
your W has been constantly "testing" you to lead.
She is looking for a man to lead the family, make decision and follow through with them.

She keep s droping hints. start finetuing your listening skills.
eg.
your W: The Anderson's went away on a cruise last month.
This siple fact is waaaayyyy more than her saying they went on a vacayion.
It's a hint that SHE wants to go on a vaction.

The thing to perhaps think about, how will this purchase affect you if you D?

Is a major purchase a good idea while this is still undecided?

I agree with this.
Why would you want to increase debt if your are getting a D?
Finances should be separate moving forward.

Lead.

[NTX_Dad]

Any thoughts on this? I'd like to hear what others might think before I approach this conversation.

I replied a few hours ago but my posts are "released" by the moderators until several days later.

[NTX_Dad]

I'm not sure of your financial situation, but the moment she signs on the dotted line, you are on the hook for half the vehicle. I believe the lease would be considered a martial debt, depending on the state you live in.

[~ kd ~]

To follow up on gr8's post...

It seems like it's a sitch of mind reading where we might think... if that's the case... why can't they just SAY that?

And that's true...

but from a lot of the resources I've seen, there's one that stands to the foreground out of all of this...

(and this could get into a discussion on the relevance or non-relevance of "Mars vs. Venus")...

Women need men's (their spouses) attention ALL the time...

So I absolutely agree with gr8 in that the better an H can... listen... the better the couple can communicate...

[~ kd ~]

oh... listening is a two way thing... listen... then feedback... then listen again, to be sure there's consistency in what you believe you heard...

IOW:

W: "The Anderson's went on vacation..."

H: "Wow, nice! It would be nice to go on vacation..."

possible responses:
W: "Yes, that would be nice..."
(time to plan vacation)

or...

W: "I think they wasted their money"
(H feeds back again to get more input)

[betterman77]

your W has been constantly "testing" you to lead.
She is looking for a man to lead the family, make decision and follow through with them.

I've been trying to lead this family. Whether it's doing things together with the kids or trying to plan things on our own. I find it hard to accomplish when there is only one willing participant. In the past my W has always accused me of being controlling and unsupportive of her decisions. When the issue of the car arose I was very supportive and told her I agreed that a new car would be nice and whenever she wanted to head to the dealership to let me know and we can head there together to pcik one out. I didn't want to control the situation like I would have done in the past because that is something she resented about me. I left the ball in her court, she never followed through and it was my fault anyway.

I'm not sure of your financial situation, but the moment she signs on the dotted line, you are on the hook for half the vehicle. I believe the lease would be considered a martial debt, depending on the state you live in.

I realize this and there was no out of pocket money involved. The trade in covered everything and the payment is very low. We each have a newer car and if we do D then I think they will cancel each other out.


Before I even left work yesterday she called to find out what time I would be home. I told her I had a few things to finish up and before I could even tell her a time she snapped at me and said "what time" and then hung up on me. I didn't appreciate the attitude so I called her back to call her out on it. She went on to say that since we had our talk on Thursday that I've been spiteful and have had an attitude with her. I told her my attitude hasn't changed and I haven't been spiteful. I proceeded to walkthrough the times we were together on the weekend and the only thing she said was that I yelled at her about our son acting up at the movies on Sunday. The movie was crowded and she was sitting in the first row with our D and I was sitting in the second row with our S. He started running up by the screen and I peeked my head through the seat and asked her to "Please get him to sit down". She told me I said to her "he's an embarrassment, tell him to stop running and to sit down". I was shocked that she thinks that is what I said. I feel like I'm dealing with Dr Jeckle and Mrs Hyde.

She then started projecting some other negative crap at me and I told her that I won't let her disrespect me, call me names or distort the truth. I hung up the phone and finished my work.

When I got home it was like nothing ever happened. We went and got the car and the night was fine after that. I really don't know who this woman is anymore.

[♪CS♪]

I really don't know who this woman is anymore.

Then don't ask the question.

Perhaps instead ask. Who is this man?

[betterman77]

Then don't ask the question.

Perhaps instead ask. Who is this man?

Are you suggesting another man is in the picture?

[betterman77]

Well I guess I don't have to wonder anymore about OM that's been confirmed. I don't know to what extent it's at. This will be the third time my W has pursued a R outside of our M and I just can't do it anymore.

The first time there was no real dealing with it. She apologized and we just when on with our lives. The second time I found this book and site and really made the changes I've wanted to make in myself because of it. And I'm really happy with the father and man I have become. But after this time when she led me to believe she was working on our M and was still pursuing other R's I just don't have it in me to fight for this woman anymore. I'm a good person and will make someone very happy.

Not it's all about me and the kids.

[NTX_Dad]

So you have proof of a OM now? What happened?

Sorry to hear. Keep your chin up and remember it's nothing you did, that one is on her.