"Like John Belushi said, "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Noooo. It's not over til WE say it's over!""
LP, thanks so much for that...I really needed a laugh!
And thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I feel like such a moronic fool right now for having the answers in front of me and yet choosing to ignore them. I thought I was changing but it seems like I was trading one set of issues for another.
Well, back to square one, I guess.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Telemark, I’ve been lurking without much to add. I know the feelings. We’ve been given the tools to move past the devastation. Take a deep breath and begin. It is tough, and I suspect you’ll revisit the anguish, but you will persevere.
STBXW is doing her move in stages. The last time she was by to take a load I helped her carry out the contents of her side of the closet, gave her extra hangers and carried out the boxed contents of her lingerie drawers. It was my way of showing her I dropped the rope. Truth too as I am about 99% ambivalent about it.
Originally Posted By: luvmyhubby
This next phase with her moving out etc will be hard on you. When you go to the closet with her things gone but it will get easier to be in your home without her.
^^^^ Truth also.
In my case taking her/our stuff off the walls and putting up/arranging things to my taste helped. This winter I’ll begin repainting as time and funds permit.
It isn’t over until it’s over, and that is up to you, when you are ready.
I forgot that line from Animal House thanks LP from me too.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Thanks for all of your comments and support. Right now I'm torn...part of me is of course devastated over her decision, but part of me is somewhat relieved that we won't be constantly on the defensive with each other under the same roof.
I'm not looking forward to the loneliness of single living, however.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Telemark, I've seen this saying before on the message board that I like to remind myself of - "It's not over until YOU say it's over."
It sounds to me like you are beating yourself up unjustifiably. There are a lot of things you did right. There are probably also some things you did wrong. We're only human. Learn from those. Concentrate on what you're going to do right from this point forward.
Tel, I found that having hope made me feel worse as bad as that sounds. When I actually went on and treated it like it was over i felt better in a sense. I was dbing my heart out of course i backslid but when I was really on course and saw litte positive signs..Then Wham! I discovered the OW and how long he had been with her.. So as hard as I tried to keep things together and to work on it all it didnt matter to my H. He was using the situation to his advantage all my dbing and positive moods etc.
This made me realize that having my H move out and all of the things he did was not all about me. It wasnt about everything I had done no matter how bad he pushed it all back onto me. My H had his own path in his head and he needed to follow it. In order for my H to follow his path he had to slice me away to feel life without me. Just remember it does take two people to get into this situation. It also takes two to get back into a healthy m. So your W moving out may be really good for both of you even though it seems like a knife in the heart right now. You will get to a point where you might even enjoy being with yourself alone. You might even find that you like yourself ...
I had a friend tell me that I was more like the girl in High School that she knew and I was happy. Weird how I put out those vibes while Im in such misery.. It just shows that you will be better and stronger for dbing and working on you.... No matter the outcome!!
Take it one breath at a time...
______________________________________ H:32 W: 35 M- 11 Tog- 13 D-5 S-9 Sep. June 5th Bomb 6/27/11 OW Discovered on July 18th and admitted.... Divorced 11/22/2011 Ex Engaged to OW Jan. 2012
Thanks, luvmyhubby. Today I am more at peace with what is happening. Last night W and I talked a lot about what happened over the last 11 years, and in particular the last 5 months, that brought us to this point. W said she could not deal with the tension in our home anymore. She also knew I was snooping and monitoring her communications and that really put her over the edge. I apologized for that and told her she deserved better.
She said she is scared to death of moving out; she can barely afford the new place, still has to buy a washer & dryer and new furnishings, and SS21 (her youngest who is severely autistic) will not take the change well. She also knows she will need to take more time to care for him. Her temper has become more volatile in the last few months, and she has had several verbal fights with her XH and his W; they have indicated they will not help her if she gets into a bind with her share of responsibility for SS21. She has a very difficult road ahead of her. We ended up crying and hugging each other.
I realized last night that us trying to live under the same roof was making a bad situation worse. I think you are correct in saying this may be the best for both of us. While we were still together it was extremely difficult for me to truly detach, and I frequently slipped back into the old destructive ways. I am looking forward to reinventing myself without tiptoeing around my W.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Today I received 4 TMs from my W. In the past 5 months I have not received 4 TMs from her.
Last night she was weepy, hugged me and kissed me (nothing overt) for the first time in 5 months.
It seems now that she has to go through with her plan to move out she is realizing the reality of what that means. It is not going to be a picnic.
I am being kind, calm, supportive (without being a doormat) but strong in my interaction with her. I screwed up the last 5 months but I am not going to screw up the next 5, or 6 or however many there will be.
Next weekend I will be out of town until Sunday night. When I get back, she will be gone. Don't know how I'm going to feel about returning to an empty house.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
She's looking for a savior. She sees the impending storm, and is reaching out to get help.
This is hard to say telemark, but she chose this. Now she has to live it. Don't take this the wrong way, but last time she did this she had you to save her and keep her afl
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