Now it's getting hard, trying to keep my cool not seeing immediate results. I keep second guessing myself, wondering if I'm doing the right thing, asking if there is really any hope for our marriage. Has W been through too much to believe we can ever be in love again? Am I still worth enough to her to try? Can I ever change?
I am pretty sure these questions are just things I have to go through. When I am in Karate, they teach (mostly to the kids classes, which I sometimes see while I am waiting for mine to start) that the difference between a black belt and someone who never makes it is whether they keep trying in the face of defeat and discouragement. And I think that maybe questioning what I can do (especially when my changes, as hard as I try, are still far from consistent) is one of those "tests," one that I just have to keep trying right through.
In the meantime, I still feel very isolated.
Again, I am glad that I have this forum to type. It has me "journaling" consistently, and I am so glad to have the feedback from Kaffe and JTB.
Just read up a little on "dropping rope," and I'm finding that is one thing I need to do. Kaffe, I can't believe you placed an actual date on it! For me, it seems like something I couldn't do only once and be done with it, but something I would have to continually work on.
Anyway, back to reading DR. I got it out of the library, but there are so many insights that really struck me, I think I will need to buy a copy, because I should read it repeatedly.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
