honestly I thought you gave up on me after some posts I made in the ssm forum.
in regard to the statment I made on the 28th...yes, h did come to see what I was up to however he didn't stick around...was just more of "come down here and watch football with me" when I declined (wich is not uncommon) he simply asked why and continued to go about his business...
he is what he is corri...he senses my pulling away and doing my own thing so then he may spend a night without sports (cause lord knows there's always something on even if it's a discussion about a game that occured 20 years ago) or news or weather and actually sit in the room I'm in making small talk..once I accept it he's back to doing his own thing again wich is why upon his return I suggested setting aside one night a week that is for us to either go out or spend qt together at home...his response "can't do that" so insted we play this friggen game and I'm tired of it.
I only talked to him last night because a friend stopped by who's dealing with some family stuff and needed someone to talk to..once she left h asked me to come downstairs (I didn't rush down but finnished what I was doing and then went down) and asked what was up. One of his comments really pissed me off...(let's just say it was a rather sexist or simplistic view of a couples money being indirectly the mans) that led to a bit of back and forth between us..his not understanding how I took his statement and..whatever...
the conversation somehow turned to be about us and that I don't always feel like there is an us...oh I think the point was that the conversation was the same as just about any we've had over the years..him facing the damn tv with some sport on and having a conversation with me. The other part of it was a discussion about family lending money to family...now in the past h has lent money to his family members without talking to me about it..I'd find out when they'd tell me they'd be late with a payment or I'd overhear something or see a check and wonder what for. Of course h's explenation for this is that the $ doesn't come from our household stuff but from his business so there's no need to tell me...plus some bit of privacy thang (obviously they're not hiding it from me as the assume I know, then I feel like the dumb in the dark w) wich is understandable but for christ sake I'm his w..if someone came to me and wanted to borrow money even if I gave it from my own stash I would share it w h...what it comes down to and why I called him an enigma is because he shares very little with me.
I'm just tired corri...just really tired of feeling so disconnected from the man that is supposed to be my husband.
I know that I can just go about my business and sure he may ask what I'm up to or ask me to come and watch football with him...but what is it going to take to have him realize it can't be him living his life and occassionally letting me in on it. there has to be an us and frankly there hasn't been an us for a decade...add to that the complication of ow and sepertaion and now we're pretty screwed.
ah but it seems I am the only one that's screwed cause h is content and happy living his life. his very own words last night...so that just says to me this aint a m is a working arangement...I'm "the wife" and that's just about it.
