WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 4

[aeolianchaos]

That reminds me, I decided to keep reading PM on my own. I started at a good time, I think we were starting to get emotionally fused again. Time to pull back and be my own man again.

Great book.

I can't help but wonder, though, if all the things your W is doing represent someone trying to be more differentiated, but still not being fully willing to 'take the hit'?

One of the big things Schnarch discusses is how as we become a more solid and flexible self, we are actually far more capable of holding on to our best sense of who we are and not acting in a way that is destructive to our own integrity.

Making threats of stripping or doing porn as a response to other aspects of life coming up, seems kind of like a behavior intended to maintain that emotional fusion. Perhaps there is something that your W could be confronting in herself about why she chooses to respond that way?

The only plan is to take it day by day. Watch what she does see if I like it. See what type of marriage we end up with. I seriously think neither of us knows at this point.

Can you ever really know?

One of the other things I took from PM, and it seems like a big component of DB, is that when one person in the relationship begins to differentiate, the ecology of the relationship changes and the other person is going to be thrust into their own 'crucible' So to that end, perhaps in seeing what you do and that you maintain your integrity, your W may find herself in a position where she is comfortable looking a little deeper too?