Is filing for D a 180?

[luvmyhubby]

Well i had a session with Jody yesterday and it made me really think. She asked me what I wanted and now I just dont know. Im angry about the A and all of the lies that I realize from over the last few years. Has he had other A that I am not aware of? I used to trust and was naive even though I saw signs there was no proof.

Ive been too harsh with my words and not strong enough on my boundaries. He has been running over me in a passive aggressive way.. I have also started to carry a notepad around with me and whenever i ask him a question or request anything I write it down. Make a note of exactly the date and time he said X and he would have X done or whatever. This way when he forces my boundaries I can go back and look at what he said and remind him exactly. I think this allows me to make him not give me vague times and dates and write down and show him what he said.

My friend told me this weekend that I was more like my old self than she had seen me in forever. Like I was in highschool happy and enjoying things and not stressed and burdened all the time. Im free from the stress and burden that I picked up from the marriage..
I know that I dont want the liar I see and I dont want my angry marriage. That doesnt meant that I dont want to try to save my family but I wont do it alone it requires effort from both sides and forgivness.

His R with the OW will hit rocks eventually and who knows he may move on to another. Eventually he will have to go through the phases im hitting but i believe he will put that off as long as possible. Or who knows he may be able to stuff that down for years and years..

I wont sit and wait. I want my happiness too whatever that means to me I have to figure out with my children..

Im still sad and re-hashing everything that went on I guess that is part of the process. I cannot change it but I can change me..

Enjoying every sunrise and creating hope for me and the kids.