Defining success in these moments is hard FB2. Just like you it is not a place I wanted to be. It has been both exciting and nerve wracking. There are days when I am totally happy and loving life and there are days when I miss the security my mind seems to think I had.
I love my new place. It is convenient to work and to "home". The mix of people that live there make it 10 times more interesting also. There are people from all walks of life. We have a huge courtyard with a pool, a fire pit, volleyball, grilling area, cornhole, and bocce ball court. There is always something going on. You could almost never leave and have an endless source of entertainment. Along with that comes the thought that there are lots of people that have issues much greater than mine. There are 2 other guys that live there and we have become known as the "Divorced Guys Club". We are all pretty close in age and have very similar stories. Sometimes I am amazed at this whole other world that exists outside of the married world.
My kids are doing OK. I am concerned about my daughter in the fact that somehow I get placed in the middle of her "drama". I have clearly become the bad guy and can't seem to break out of that cycle. She had a "fight" with my mom on my birthday and somehow I took the brunt of it when it really had nothing to do with me. I have called and texted and tried to have a face to face to no avail. I had to get my son a phone over the weekend because the only way to call him is either thru the D's phone or the X's phone. It is pretty funny that an 8 year old has a HTC EVO now. It at least keeps the lines open with him and he can contact me directly.
The X has taken the stance thru most of this that when we split the kids would not really want anything to do with me. Even up till the last days she was telling me that I should not take offense if they did not want to come. This has played out a bit different than she thought and I am now hearing from her that we need to work harder on being there for them. She has complained that they have had a few break downs. I am just not sure what I could do in those moments that would help. I am hearing about them after the fact. My son has indicated that mommy is "invisible".. and he has been doing pretty much anything he wants. Staying up late.. sleeping late.. playing on the computer/xbox. Not exactly sure what to do with that either. They just got back from vacation and my son indicated that him and the X had had a few moments. He said that he blamed "Jenny" for all this. I asked why and he said "because mom said it was her fault". We had a discussion about it was a choice me and mom had made together and no 1 person was to blame. He seemed to understand and I felt better about it. The X is dating someone new and I have been dating also.
The R.. or what is left of it between me and "Jenny" is not good. I really don't seek her out or want to have meetings with her. The distance and not having to interact with her has been a blessing in disguise. She had always said that she did not want to be the people dropping off kids in a Wendy's parking lot.. but it is what we have become. I am not proud of it but we have not been able communicate for 18 years I am not sure why she thought more distance would help that situation. We cannot have a conversation without her calling me some kind of name.. or pointing out some flaw of mine. Repulsive is the new word of the week.
So I guess that catches everyone up.
Friday will be 2 months.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
