W went from (IMHO) borderline crazy to pleasant, polite and inviting in the span of two hours:
W: Can we wait and determine the time once I hear from MIL and the best day to visit with B and SIL? Thanks, W
hour and a half later M: OK, that'll be fine. Let me know what works for you.
two minutes later W: If you want the dvd tonight I am around. Ill try not to infect you:)
five minutes later as I'm heading out the door M: We'll see. Busy for a while tonight, but I'll let you know if it's not too late.
Two words: vitamin C
Stopped by my boys house to say goodbye (vacation with their mom) and see S14 without his braces (removed this morning). Went to MIL's house after that, had dinner and wine with the family and a couple of family friends. All in all a very pleasant night.
Oh, I sent a picture message to a few family members showing S14 in his retainer and for whatever reason included W (who doesn't like S14). She replied back almost instantly, sounding excited, offering whatever hard or chewy candy he wanted when she sees me tomorrow.
Note to self: do NOT get sucked into the crazy
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Well, I was hoping to get the (probable) R talk over with early. W out maneuvered and out DBed me.
M: Hope you are feeling better today. Haven't heard of any change of date/time, so 6 tonight, right?
W: I was waiting to hear from MIL. I am suppose to be over there around six. Can we do it earlier or later in the evening?
M: Sure, later will be fine. Let me know when you'll be available. Thanks!
W: Lets say tentatively 8:30 and if it will be later I will let you know. I am still feeling pretty lousy so am hoping for an early night. Can I just text if I will be later than that? Oh I also pulled some potatoes for you.
M: That sounds like a good plan. And thank you for the potatoes! Yum!
I was a little nervous earlier. I'm not anymore thanks to the glass of wine with dinner. Better skip the second though or I might *really* tell W how I feel
So, since I now have time to kill maybe I'll walk to the bookstore or something. Not like I don't get enough exercise...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Went over to W's house a bit ago. She's sick and sounds like a harp seal. She gathered up some stuff for me (including lots from the garden) and had it ready on the counter. I grabbed a couple of other things and made small talk. We went down to the basement to grab my missing DVD (got it), sat down and I asked her "so, how about us?" It didn't seem like she really had a lot to specifically say about the sitch.
We both decided we hated the limbo we were in. My going dark on her made her angry. I asked her if she understood why I did it, she kinda did. I told her it was to keep my sanity and anger at bay.
We both mentioned that we cycle between wanting to work on things and moving on. Right now, she's leaning more towards D and I'm leaning more towards R. We both admitted to talking to L but neither of us did anything about it. Talked about mediation a bit. W mentioned that she wishes we could go back two years and do things differently. Told her I agreed. Also told her that in some ways this whole process kinda shook me out of my depression and other problems. There was a silver lining in it for me, but it would have been better if it could have happened a different way.
We talked the pros and cons of D and I mentioned that I wish we had a crystal ball to see where we'd be 5-10 years down the road. She agreed and I told her my crystal ball was in the shop, but I probably wouldn't get it back because I owed money on it.
We have mutual friends that D a couple of years ago. P, the male, hates his exW. H, the female, still cares for P and asks about him. I jokingly asked my W if she was P or H. As I thought, she said P, so I joked that it was because they both have stubby fingers (he's 6ft tall with baby sized hands). I think she saw the humor in it.
W mentioned a few other things going on in her life. I listened and asked questions. The house is kinda big for just her so I asked how that was going. She'd like to sell it, but the dogs are too big for an apartment so I don't see that happening (didn't say that to her of course). She'd like to go somewhere with a different climate she said. Haven't told her I've been applying for jobs in CO.
All in all, it was a little sad but not too uncomfortable. W said we could talk again next week or so when she feels better. I told her she could talk to me and I wouldn't get mad. No hugs or anything, but I gave her a little pat on the shoulder as I left.
So, that was it.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
As bad as the limbo can be, at least it's just limbo. Again, nothing surprising from last night, but I wake up this morning somewhat sad. The whole thing is just such an f'ing waste!
Not really sure what I should be doing next. Like I said before, I had to go dark for myself, but will be sad if this was the final straw for her. Should I start making more contact (light, of course)?
I've got some things to distract me for a couple of weeks: 1) getting my car (hopefully, I'm getting annoyed at the delay) 2) running a race called the Warrior Dash this Saturday. It's a cross between 5k, obstacle course and party. Looks like sooooo much fun! 3) don't think I ever mentioned it here, but I'm finishing up my Masters degree and defending my thesis in two weeks. I will have an MS in Geography then. Been working off and on on this for a while, had a few significant delays and wasn't sure I'd ever really finish.
CS, I don't think I ever got what you might have been hinting at.
Again, now what?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Argh! Just when I think *something* is going right... Just found out that one of my thesis committee members *still* has problems with the thesis, so it looks like it will be more like mid-September before I get a chance to defend it. I've been through so many delays with this that I hate even discussing it with people anymore.
Can today be over yet?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Today just started!! lol I havent posted in a long time....." Things " are about the same here.. Today is the date that I left home 4 years ago ( 2007 ) and im wondering or pondering if our marriage is any different then it was 4 years ago? In some ways its alot better......I know i never want to go thru that again. Divorce procedings being seperated, " IN limbo ", and i try very hard to see the good in this husband of mine. I hold my temper and my tongue alot better.....and pause to think before i speak.esp if what im about to say is gonna help or hurt our relationship.
Were both extremely busy without much down time..so looking forward to our 3 day weekend in September. We go to a 3 day bluegrass festival that we have attended for years.....yeah.
Sounds like your days are up and down........but your keeping busy, attending to your life, exercising, and trying to stay off the rollercoaster.
Good luck with your thesis..........proud of you.
What kind of job would U be applying for in CO.?
ohhhhhhhhh and our garden is full of pototes and every kind of veggie U can imagine, except zucchini lol Its been a hard year to raise a garden between the hard rains and this unbearable heat.
Thanks for stopping by Sunny, it's great to hear from you again! I'm looking for work related to my degree and/or current job, mainly in transit/transportation planning or GIS work. I've got a pretty good deal with my current position, but it's really slow and kind of a dead-end right now.
I've been pretty upbeat for a while but today I'm just feeling down. Not even really sad, just... down. I know there are a lot of good things in my life, but for the moment I feel like I can't catch a break in anything.
I don't even know what I should be doing now.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
