Need some guidance....

[♪CS♪]

Before I say anything, I just want to acknowledge the post from Bill above. Very good stuff.

Country,

I have tried to discuss boundaries and what I need, but I think he either a) doesn't hear them or b)just ignores them and does exactly as he pleases. Also, he will NOT go to marriage counseling b/c he has no desire to discuss his feelings in front of a stranger. I think I might be able to talk him into MC if I was working right now, but I have been out of work for 5 months and we just do not have the extra money to do that. I have suggested some online things such as marriage builders and he didn't completely shut that down, so we'll see.

I think that is where I am at...the IF I choose to do so. I just don't know that he is going to do that work that is necessary and I cannot do it all by myself. It's not practical to pretend that I can and I think it's a no win situation.

IMVHO

You are in a different spot than many on the board. In my sense, a much tougher spot. The "boundary setting" I am sure can be scary.

Because what you need to do is create your own, and then communicate them. This is different that "discussing" them with him.

He does not have a say on what your boundaries are, and vice versa.

What is important to note here, is that is why it is so critical that you really ask yourself what your boundaries are.

If you do so "willy nilly" and then he crosses it. Then you realize it wasn't really a boundary in the first place, and you let it slide. You have just weakened yourself. I guess what I am saying here. Is caution.

Is MC a "must" for you?

Is "full disclosure" a "must" for you?

Is XYZ a "must" for you?

These are the questions you need to answer. You need to answer them for YOU. This is why it need not be a discussion. Only communicated once decided.

But once again. Be cautious. Because if they are real. You need to be prepared to enforce them if crossed.

How are things going with you? How's your D?

Thanks for asking

D and I are great. This last weekend we spent at grandma and grandpas house. I just remember thinking. "I can't believe she's mine" She is just so adorable (I know everyone says this, but in myncase it is true )