"I'm worried that once we tell S7, that will be .. it for me. It's like I'm slowly realizing that it's not about H coming to his senses, because I think even if he did, it would be so hard to think about him doing this again the next time he's feeling depressed."
This is part of the walk. I can tell you from experience that there will be many more times you feel like this. It is just a part of the emotional roller coaster you have just sat down on to take a ride in. Can't say it enough but the only way you can combat this is to GAL. Find things that remove you from the "stitch" even if it is just seconds/minutes at a time. You mind will play up upcoming events and just make it harder for you to hold things together. Down the road you will look back and "see" it. As hard as it is.. just try to take each day as it comes.
"It's almost like I don't have any hope left that I can recover."
I assure you that you will. It may not be how or when you expect it.. but you will. Have hope. It is a good thing to have. No matter where this ride takes you I will bet money that down the road you will look back and understand why this was a part of your life. And you will be a better person for it.
As I have said before... This is a walk of you.. and who you want to be.
Keep your head up.. and smile.. even if you are faking it.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
