I'm starting to think that you DO actually have to MAKE EVERY EFFORT to have the "talk" with your W... whatever it takes, just get it out there and have the talk with her...
Because it is apparent that you really need to do that...
No need to beat around the bush with her. Figure out when you can meet and talk...
I strongly suspect it won't go too well, but I could be wrong... only having that conversation with her will tell...
And if it goes great, fantastic...
and if it goes south... well... then you will fully understand what it's like to have the R talk and have it go south...
