Since separated, we only exchanged emails a few times about practical things. Last Friday I decided to test the waters. This is the log of the events:
Friday: I sent a (phone) text asking my wife if she was comfortable to have a chat one of these days.
Saturday afternoon: my wife didn't answer and I sent another text to clarify the previous one: I was only suggesting to have a chat over Messenger, and after than we can meet to have a conversation about things she wants to tell me and that I want to hear.
Saturday afternoon: my wife answers back saying that Messenger would be okay at some point, that she's not ready to meet yet, and asking what are those things she wants to tell and that I want to hear.
Saturday evening: I answer saying that I'm not interested in anything special, just wanted to "hear from her", and that we can meet when we both feel comfortable.
Sunday evening: my wife sends me a text saying that she understands, that she's having an early night (first time she mentions something personal), that her phone is playing funny (displaying strange characters) and that she'll be back to me when the replacement phone arrives (Monday).
Monday morning: my wife texts me some bank activation codes.
Monday morning: I reply to thank, and to say I laughed with the text with messed-up characters that she sent Sunday evening.
Monday morning: my wife replies saying that she doesn't mind to forward me bank information, that she doesn't mind with what I do in our joint bank account.
Monday morning: immediately after the previous text, my wife sends me another one joking with the way her phone is messing-up the characters.
Monday lunch-time: I reply laughing, asking her to stop because I was trying to look serious in a meeting, and said that I was hungry and the meeting still going on. I asked if she wanted to swap with me. I got no reply.
Tuesday morning: my wife has the new phone and texts me to ask if I can change the bank account online security details because she forgot to erase them from the old phone before returning it. The text is cold, simple and clear.
Tuesday lunch-time: I change the security details and send her a text with the new ones, without any emotions.
Tuesday lunch-time: my wife answers back to thank, in a cold fashion, saying that she "really appreciated".
My conclusion: it didn't go that well because I gave too many and too long steps, and because my wife isn't ready. I shouldn't have mentioned any meeting in the second text, I sure shouldn't have suggested any type of subject for the conversation. I was also too "adventurous" in the text where I mentioned I was hungry in a meeting. My wife did accept to talk over Messenger at some point and was also emotional and funny in some of the messages.
I will step back for some more time and wait to see what happens, as this didn't go very well.
What do you think?
Thank you, regards.
Me: 36 Wife: 33 Together: 09/2007 Married: 03/2010 I love you but...: 06/2011 Separated: 06/2011 Rebuilding: 11/2011
