Can my relationship be saved?

[a girl]

I know it's silly, but I was really hoping for input on his odd behaviour tonight.

[NTX_Dad]

He sounds like my wife just a month ago. My wife would talk about moving on, but her actions (foot rubs, talking, watching movies together late on work nights) dictated otherwise.

Our therapist said my wife was confused.

I just GAL'ed and did a 180, and we now appear to be on mend as things are getting a little better each day.

[a girl]

Having a hard time with things today. Probably just anxious/worried about telling S7 on Friday.

Those of you who have had to tell your children about the separation - how did they take it?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

They were sad, but they took it well. Mine were 10 and 5 and both boys. For the following weeks, I was very cautious about over compensating them.

I did change their room out when they were not there. I repaitned it and turned it into a tree house, even went so far as to stick silk leaves all over the wooden beam that ran across their cieling. It helped me cope with them not being around having a project for them and about them when they were not there.

Instead of "Mom's House" or 'Dad's House" My place was the "Tree House" and her's became the "Fish House" Because of all the dam fish tanks and fish she had. Later... : ) my boys called it the "Fragile House" because of all the breakable stuff she had in there.

Do your best to make it fun for them, even while it breaks your heart. Do not make it tougher on them, cry before hand not during.

[Forrest Gump]

Kids always take this differently. There is not really a best way to do it. As a whole the best way to do it is together with your spouse in a comfortable setting. Just be honest with them without too much detail and let them respond or possibly ask questions. The kids need be the lead in the conversation. It is ok for you to be nervous. Don't let it get the best of you. Keep things simple and centered around you and your spouse made this decision together.. even if you didn't.

[a girl]

I'm worried that once we tell S7, that will be .. it for me. It's like I'm slowly realizing that it's not about H coming to his senses, because I think even if he did, it would be so hard to think about him doing this again the next time he's feeling depressed.

It's almost like I don't have any hope left that I can recover.

[~¤DG¤~]

My kids took it about as well as they could I guess.
S15 wasn't too broken up about it, but S10 was upset and still is.

[Forrest Gump]

"I'm worried that once we tell S7, that will be .. it for me. It's like I'm slowly realizing that it's not about H coming to his senses, because I think even if he did, it would be so hard to think about him doing this again the next time he's feeling depressed."

This is part of the walk. I can tell you from experience that there will be many more times you feel like this. It is just a part of the emotional roller coaster you have just sat down on to take a ride in. Can't say it enough but the only way you can combat this is to GAL. Find things that remove you from the "stitch" even if it is just seconds/minutes at a time. You mind will play up upcoming events and just make it harder for you to hold things together. Down the road you will look back and "see" it. As hard as it is.. just try to take each day as it comes.

"It's almost like I don't have any hope left that I can recover."

I assure you that you will. It may not be how or when you expect it.. but you will. Have hope. It is a good thing to have. No matter where this ride takes you I will bet money that down the road you will look back and understand why this was a part of your life. And you will be a better person for it.

As I have said before... This is a walk of you.. and who you want to be.

Keep your head up.. and smile.. even if you are faking it.

[a girl]

Thanks. I keep beating myself up for not getting "better" faster, and then I remember that H spent 6 weeks feeding me false hope and lying, and I've only known about his affair for just over 2 weeks.

Need to remember that just because it feels like I've been hurting for years, I haven't actually.

Hoping to pick up my new car tonight. I told H I wouldn't be home until 7, so he could get some of his stuff out of the house before then if he wanted.

Sticking to my plan of being cordial and pleasant when I have to see him, and working toward not seeing him.

Does anyone have tips/ideas for going dark? He'll be 3 blocks away and wants to see S every day, but I think I can still keep contact to a minimum.

[Forrest Gump]

"I keep beating myself up for not getting "better" faster, and then I remember that H spent 6 weeks feeding me false hope and lying, and I've only known about his affair for just over 2 weeks."

While it feels like it is.. this is not a race to make yourself better. The very act of thinking you should be over him will make you dwell on it more. Take the simple idea of not thinking about him or your relationship for 10 mins each day. Then build on that. After a week of doing that you push for 20 mins a day. You get the idea? GAL will allow you to do just that. I am of the thought that your GAL activities should be outside your comfort zone. Something you always wanted to do but just never did kinda thing. You will know the activity that works for you as soon as you do it.. cause you won't think about anything else. Baby steps. Start slow.. expect you are going to fail. We all have failed at this.. just like you. Was not that long ago I was acting all "crazy" too. It is ok.. and it most likely will not impact the situation at all.

"Does anyone have tips/ideas for going dark? He'll be 3 blocks away and wants to see S every day, but I think I can still keep contact to a minimum."

The only thing I can say about this is that he expects you to minimize contact. It is the normal reaction. It also leaves him in control. I would not suggest a Going Dark plan unless you are 100% done. If you are 99% done don't go dark. If the affair is a deal breaker then so be it. Just make sure 100% that your actions follow your heart. If you had to hide and cry all day long so that you could face him with a smile on your face and a pleasant attitude for 10 mins a day.. I would suggest doing that. This moves the control towards you. And you may see some movement. Remember this is about you.. and who you want to be. Just make sure 100% who you want to be.. or what you want to look like.