Yeah... and it's all so surreal still, like I'm watching it happen to someone else. And so jarring to be the higher wage earner and realize that I have to do most of the work for the divorce and will be paying more, for a result I don't even want.
Woke up at 4am, can't sleep, bleah. Think this is going to be a rough week, but the weekend should be fun-ish. Ish. I just really wish she was back and loving. I miss her so terribly much. This whole thing is making me grow, in ways I probably needed, and I've met some great people, and there are good times on the horizon... but I just miss her. She was a selfish, depressed, low-self-esteem woman... but she was mine, and would have done anything for her.
(except, I guess, send her away for five years for ANOTHER advanced degree... or share her with her new poly friends. So I guess that's true for only sufficiently small values of "anything", but I still would have, and did, a whole heck of a lot, and being treated like a vending machine just hurts a whole bunch).
