What do you mean its not a problem right now? I have stopped chasing her and talking to her, we have hardly had any contact in the last few weeks since I got the initial lawyer letter. The last contact we had was 10 days ago and that was before I started DB, we had breakfast before she left for the States and I gave her a card expressing my feelings. I know now, that was probably a wrong move. I guess I just don't know how I can demonstrate that I am making changes if there is no contact???
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Time is a gift for me or a gift in order to save the marriage??
My lawyer got another letter from her lawyer today stating that its been a month since the initial letter and they have not heard anything from us and are keen to begin discussions on property settlement. I am in no state mentally or emotionally to even think about this, so my lawyer has just said we will delay and delay. Does anyone think this is the right move, or will it anger her even more?? It all just seems too real and too rushed for me to even consider it. Plus, she came into the marriage with nothing. I contributed nearly everything and bought our house etc.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Another thing she has said from the start and during counselling, that its a bad sign and reflection on our relationship that if after 3 years of marriage we are already at this point. So its better to cut our losses and move on whilst we are both young to find other people. Even our marriage counsellor said that's not right, and its no reflection on us, it just means we have hit a bump in the road and we would get through it. Guess it just comes down to the fact that she is no longer in love with me or the idea of being married to me and she feels she has 'given' to much to the relationship and can't give anymore. I always felt this was such a rubbish excuse, if she wanted to be married she would have fought for it.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I am in no state mentally or emotionally to even think about this
See cam, this is what I want to protect you from.
You say you want to show her "I've changed!"
But the truth is, you will show her "I'm scared!"
Get your *crap* together.
Step 1.
So does that mean I should start working with her on the settlement process and show that I am 'not scared' by helping her get what she wants - ie to settle and then remove herself from my life? I'm confused??
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
It does sound like it's hopeless a bit. I am trying to strengthen myself, but I just see her as someone who is so stubborn and set in her way that she just continues to block it out and move forward. She has such an ability to ignore things to protect herself and she doesn't communicate and just blocks it, so I feel it is going to be so hard to ever get her to see changes in me.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
