Divorce on the horizon?

[MHL]

TAD, the bottom line here is that we all agree you need to be focusing on YOU.

YUP !!!!!

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone. I will do some thinking on this about what to do. I've thought about just creating a new page with my real name instead of my "radio name." I'll think on it for a few days.

I'm a little down today. Spoke to a friend last night that used to post on here but hasn't in a while. Her timeline is close to mine. She told me last night that her H signed D papers on 7/6 and became engaged on 7/7. Wow. Pretty discouraging if you ask me.

We had a storm roll in last night. About 11:00, I get the following text from W:

"Are you going to email that stuff like you said you would? I've been waiting all week. Storming good over there?"

My response:

"Yep."

Her:

"When?"

Me:

"As soon as I can. I'm on the road right now."

Hope I didn't sound like a d!ck.

Tad

[job]

Tad,
Your responses were just fine. Don't worry about it. You did good!

Now, detach and take are of yourself.

[job]

The edit button needs to be reactivated.

My last sentence should have read as follows:

"Now, detach and take care of yourself."



Jack, what is the reason behind the edit button not working?

[dl443322]

Tad, you dont need to think about the facebook thing. It's not good for you and it's not good for your relationship.

You need to be proactive here. You need to start doing what you need to do to detach.

Let me ask you this. Why didnt you send the stuff you said you would?

You want to become the person you were meant to be. Always for you. But in the dbing sense, you want your w to see a new Tad, a different Tad.

So, send the stuff because you said you would. Not sending it is gonna piss her off.

But more importantly, not sending it is not going to change anything.

Lastly, who cares what you sounded like to her? Not you because you are detached, right?

Well, not quite but you get my point.

Now, who is it you want to be?

If it is a strong, capable, man of honor, then, be that person every day.

Because when you are, it will not matter to you if you sounded like Mickey Mouse to her.

Tad, it's time to stop making excuses, stop worrying about every encounter you have with her and live YOUR life.

Live it without regard to what she is thinking or feeling.
Live it as the man you want to be.
Live it because life is short.

LIVE IT! or it will live you.

[AntoniaB]

If you spend time just thinking about what to do about fb, you're stalling, it seems. You can choose to stall all you want, but don't be surprised if you see more or hear more that hurts you.

Everyone here agrees that you can't have the fb connection. I agree with PEI about blocking because it eliminates a lot of potential problems. I blocked my XH on fb and my phone and my email. I sent a final email first. I said "I'm sorry that it has come to this, but being connected to you hurts me. I have to heal and I have to have boundaries and a safe space. You can reach me through my friends or family if it's an emergency, but from this moment on, I'm drawing a boundary around me.I will always love you, but I have to protect myself. I'm sorry."

You know what? I don't know what his reaction was to that, and it's not important. What's important is that I was not able to detach from him at all until I created some boundaries. If it's hard for you to create the boundary, then it's because you're still telling yourself that YOUR actions can make her come back again, and if you just behave in exactly the way she wants, eventually she'll say she is returning to you. But it won't happen, because she changes what she wants by the minute, because she's in lala land.

So do yourself a favor and push yourself to create the boundary. It's going to be hard the first few days, and then as you see how much more peace you have, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Snodderly, Brooklyn and Antonia.

Let me ask you this. Why didnt you send the stuff you said you would?

Honestly, I just haven't had a chance to dig everything up yet. I'm going to try to do it tomorrow. FTR, I'm still waiting on stuff from her as well.

Tad, it's time to stop making excuses, stop worrying about every encounter you have with her and live YOUR life.

While I do agree with this Brooklyn, it is just so hard when I hear "that was your last opportunity" about every month. When I hear things like that, I DO worry about interacting with her. I got a text from her about an hour ago that said:

"You can pick up S16 at 6pm on Sunday if that is good for you."

Have I responded yet? Nope.

Why? Because I'm scared sh!tless. Last time I sent a simple "thank you", I got criticized. See what I'm saying?

Thanks for all the help!

Tad

[AJM]

Actually Tad, I do see what you're saying. But there's more to it than just being scared shitless, isn't there?

Some things are unpleasant. Do them and face them regardless. To do so, builds your confidence and helps you take your life back until such time as you no longer have to wait for little friday

Is everyday Friday? More Friday's now than before, eh? Keep plugging away and keep facing the demons....they fall faster and faster my friend.

AJ

[dl443322]

Tad, you keep making excuses. Stop.

Why are you allowing her to dictate how you live your life?

It really doesnt matter what you say or dont say to her because she is in her own little lalaland.

I am more concerned about you. You cannot continue to live every day afraid of saying the wrong thing to her. That's no way to live. So you might get critized. And?????

You keep allowing her to pull you in and keep you on a string. Really just how many last last chances have you had? It's crazy.

Listen, just be you. If you want to say thanks. Say it. If you dont want to answer, dont.

If it were me, I'd text, 6 is fine. If she doesnt like it, too bad.

Tad, you are never going to move forward if you continue to allow her all this power over you.

Nothing you say or dont say is going to change this.

But becoming who you want to be, might.

Come on now, get out of her head, man.

LIVE YOUR LIFE. She might come back, she might not. Either way, you get to figure out who you are, what you want. If she does come back, you'll be ahead of the game, if she doesnt, you'll be ahead of the game, Capiche?

[♪CS♪]

This reminds me of an old saying.

If your problem has a solution then...why worry about it? If your problem doesn’t have a solution then...why worry about it?

If the time works, shoot, reply "coolio home cheese"

Think this will make or break your M?

Get your "Tad" back.