The way I see it Psych, is that you have (had to have) lived your life compartmentalizing everything so that each and every possible situation or condition can be resolved by referring to the right file folder...
Yet you understand that there are some mysteries that still do not have a file folder... and those are where you get stuck...
No matter how much you feel constrained by... ARE constrained by your condition... there are times when you have to live by the seat of your pants...
Is there a way that you can create a file folder with an "other" label?
And in that "other" folder... how can you act or be in those situations? That you'd be OK... regardless of how you acted or reacted and the subsequent consequences...?
IOW, is there a way you can find in yourself to do the reverse of the norm... your own... 180 as it were... where you are OK with processing AFTER rather than processing BEFORE...?
Just putting that out there... I have no idea how that might look for you...
And great job your GALs and on taking charge of your life... of the things that YOU can control... and accepting that no matter what consequence might be (ie. how your W might find meaning in what you are doing and might react)... you will simply do them... and do them with good intentions...
Just a thought on the drawing... how you mention it does not get you as socially connected as you might think or want... I can imagine that you are QUITE talented at it and I'm wondering... is there any way that you might... get these drawing published or publicly displayed... if you can... you've made the social connection and that would be FANTASTIC!
The 180s... doing what appears to be counter intuitive... well, actually IS counter intuitive... I absolutely get that suddenly your feelings get in the way and you struggle with that... that's where I'm wondering about the baby steps... opening the gates only a small bit at a time... do what you do and try to make your 180s a little... shorter... if you know what I mean... it may allow you to process your emotions in a more manageable way...
In your second post, I just want to pick on your comment of how "details don't matter".
I understand that for the purpose of brevity, you have left the details out... I just want to be sure that you have not entered into a situation with your life where you are denying who you are... IOW... for YOU... details DO matter...
Never be something you are NOT. You can always work on yourself to be better, but we can not deny us leopards have our spots and we cannot change them...
Just saying. I suspect you know this, just that I hope in your own life... you haven't lost sight of the trees, for the forest... understand?
And AWESOME job taking that time out... this could be something you may want to work on, more... not sure how to broach that with your W, but if you don't already have a "key phrase", you may want to let your W know that when you are having moments of emotional stress, you say out loud so your W understand "red light" or something like that... she will know that you need to walk away and deal with your emotions in a safe, constructive way... we ALL need to stop and take a breathe in the moment of stress, otherwise our mouths operate faster than our brains can interject...
