Feeling alone and frustrated with a 180.

[Psych77]

You know what? I just thought of another 180, something that kind of happened automatically as I have been detaching.

Typically, when W does something that hurt my feelings my response was either to dismiss it and make excuses (hey, I am often overly sensitive to things, maybe what she did wouldn't have been so offensive if I weren't) or lose my temper. Yesterday was different.

I was doing a chore around the back yard while W was on the back porch talking to one of her friends. I fell over and broke one of our things (details don't matter), and W looked up and remarked, "Great, what did you do now?" Didn't ask if I was OK or anything. Anyway, I didn't dismiss it, but I also didn't say a word. I was incredibly angry and felt like doing something spiteful. But I went to our bedroom, calmed down while taking care of some other things that needed to get done there, and a few minutes later, after her friend had left, came back out to her. I had decided I was going to calmly tell her that I already knew I had been clumsy and broken something, and her bringing it to my attention did not contribute anything to the situation. I have to say, it's amazing how much calmer I can be when I have let go of all my expectations of W (expecting a supportive attitude, expecting affection, expecting love, etc.)

Before I managed to say a word, she apologized to me for being rude! I couldn't believe it!

I think I heard her friend reacting to the way she had spoken to me, so that might have prompted her.

And that doesn't mean that the rest of the evening went off perfectly. No, it was uncomfortable, with neither of us knowing what to say when we were together. But that was a total change for how I handled a conflict.

Yay for small successes!