What Now

[♪CS♪]

betterman, here are just a few things that stick out to me that may help paint the picture for you on where you need to go.

She told me that when she said that she was testing me to see if I did the right thing by her and the kids and I be the one to move out.

What angered her here is she set an expectation, and then that expectation was not met.

Now, why did she have this expectation?

For one reason or another, she expected you to be the one to roll over.

Something to think about.

Well she's told me she has NO respect for me at all

This relates to my point above. The two go hand in hand.

GAL is the one thing where I have not excelled at DB'ing. I haven't had MY time in so long I wouldn't know where to begin. I have put so much energy into the kids and my M that I have been neglecting me.

And finally, maybe another idea.

People respect others who respect themselves.

IMO, this is your focus.

Build yourself back up.

Strong, confident, compassionate.

I haven't read the book gr8 has referred you to, but from what I understand of its premise, it sounds perfect.

Good luck.

[betterman77]

What angered her here is she set an expectation, and then that expectation was not met.

Now, why did she have this expectation?

For one reason or another, she expected you to be the one to roll over.

Something to think about.

She expected me to roll over because I've rolled over more than once for her, but not this time. If she wants to walk then i'm ready for her to walk. Like I said I didn't give her any answer and told her I don't want anyone to move out. And believe me if we were living anywhere else other than the house I grew up in or even if I was the one who wanted out of the marriage then I would leave without hesitation.

[betterman77]

Had a fantastic weekend with the kids. Friday took my S5 to karate class then headed over to a friends for a BBQ. D7 spent the entire time in the pool and we all had a great time. Saturday I had my IC counseling session in the morning then met the family at D7 karate class. Afterwards we went to their cousins birthday party and spent the entire afternoon in the pool. After we got home we spent another few hours in our pool. I ignored all the W's calls from work until it was close to bedtime when I answered so she could talk to the kids. Sunday we took the kids to breakfast then to see Cars 2 before she had to leave for work. After she went to work the kids and I spent a few hours in the pool just having the greatest time. I ignored all calls from W until it was close to bedtime then I answered one so she could say goodnight to them again.

A few things that stuck out to me over the weekend. My IC told me that W never put an effort in trying to piece the M. She can talk until she is blue in the face about how much she claims she tried but her actions prove otherwise.

I have cancelled our weekend trip for next week and made some plans to meet up with a few friends on Friday. Time to start GAL.

[paige40]

Glad you had a great weekend with the kids! Nothing is more fun than playing in the pool.

Sounds like you are on the right track. Keep up the good work.

[betterman77]

W just texted me and I need some advice on how to respond if I should respond at all.

W: I just wanted to let you know that I really tried to work on our M. But we always ended up in the same place.

One of the things I have been working on in myself are my communication skills. And if she did something that bothered me I didn't tell her and I let them fester. This is what she means by ending up in the same place.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

W: I just wanted to let you know that I really tried to work on our M. But we always ended up in the same place.

BM, how do feel about receiving this text?

What's to gain by replying?

One of the things I have been working on in myself are my communication skills. And if she did something that bothered me I didn't tell her and I let them fester. This is what she means by ending up in the same place.

Did you get the book I suggested? After reading it there will be no more issues like the one above.

So she says something not to your like and you let in bulid inside? Once you finish reading you will make decisions from your code. Decisions and responses will come easier for you.

I can relate with you, my stbx thinks she did everything to save the M too. Their reality is theirs. We see things differently. Both views are correct. It's when they realize things aren;t what they appear is when they see things in a new light.

Let your W feel the consequences of her reality.

If you need to respond to the text, validate.

"I know you did" and that's it.

[betterman77]

What's to gain by replying?

Nothing can be gained so I didn't.

Did you get the book I suggested?

I did order it and am waiting for it to arrive.

Here's another one for you.
She told me while we were "piecing" that she would like to take the car to the dealership to get the trade in value and possibly get a new car. I was all for it and said whenever you're ready I'll go with you. She told me when we had our talk the other night that she resented me for not taking her. I told her it was you're idea and I was ready to go when she was. She told me it was my job as the husband to take the initiative and to get us there. I didn't respond to that comment.

Fast forward to now. She called me a few times in a row and thinking there might be a problem with one of the kids I answered. She said that she was at the dealership and with the trade in she can lease a new car for about $150.00 per month. She wanted to know if that was in our budget and can we afford it. I asked her if we can talk about it later.

I'm wondering if we're separating why is that a question for me?

[betterman77]

Any thoughts on this? I'd like to hear what others might think before I approach this conversation.

[♪CS♪]

She wanted to know if that was in our budget and can we afford it.

First, realize this is all she asked. Not very complicated.

Now, there are a couple things. One is the simple task of your budget as a M couple. That is easy.

The thing to perhaps think about, how will this purchase affect you if you D?

Is a major purchase a good idea while this is still undecided?

[betterman77]

Now, there are a couple things. One is the simple task of your budget as a M couple. That is easy.

It is easy and does fit into our budget no problem as a M couple. But her talk of separating lately and her being done has me confused as to why she would ask me.

The thing to perhaps think about, how will this purchase affect you if you D?

There is no out of pocket money here only an additional payment.

I was thinking of telling her that it does fit into out budget if we move forward together as a married couple. If not then you're going to have to handle it on your own like I do with my car payment.