Reconstructing the LBS

[grebjack]

I am SO confused.

Hiding it can only last so long, and will most likely prolong it.

My coach encouraged me not to show negative emotions around my husband. And even before that, I could see that when I managed to keep my game face on, my husband seemed to enjoy (tolerate?) my company. If I lose my cool, he withdraws. So do what works? I am willing to believe that hiding my fear will prolong it, but that's a price I'd be willing to pay to improve my odds of reconciling my marriage.

Think of a time since this drama in your life started when you felt really good. Even if it only lasted for a second.
Now think of a time where you felt this fear.
Were there differences in the external circumstances of your sitch between the two?
Or was it simply a difference in your state of mind?

Three occasions really jump out at me. This spring, when the first of the flowers in my yard opened, I walked out the front door and saw them and I was genuinely delighted. The feeling knocked me off balance because I realized I hadn't felt anything like that in such a long time.
Last summer, I finished my first 5K. I don't actually like running, but whether my marriage survives is largely up to my husband; my success as a classroom teacher depends significantly on the choices my students make; but deciding to train for a 5K - that was mine to do or not do, and it felt good to have a piece of my life be within my control.
When I picked my husband up at the train station at the end of his vacation. I was prepared to just hand over his car keys and say "welcome back," but he chose to spend the afternoon with me. We saw a silly movie and he showed me the pictures from his trip over dinner and then I got to show him my garden. We shared a little bit of our lives and we laughed a lot and it was wonderful.
You're right that my situation hadn't changed - something was different about my state of mind. But how do I engineer my state of mind?

If a person accepts that the marriage is over and you realize you can’t stop the divorce you lose the fear and accept the divorce.

What then is the distinction between Divorce-Busting and Divorce-Accepting? Maybe "Don't be discouraged. It's never too late to save your marriage!" is just a marketing slogan, but that's what I was hoping to find here.