Honestly, my W is confusing me.

Saturday night, I was upset at things in general. I let a "sh!t" slip out in front of our son as I was taking him to bed to put him to sleep.

Oh man, did my W get a hold of that.

First I cursed myself for letting my emotions come out like that. They do come out at times, but usually I'm able to be friendly and light around her.

"Come in our room when you get S set up," she told me.

So I go into the room and she is quite pissed. First she wanted to stay exactly what I said. She thought she heard me say "you little sh!t," to my son. I explained.

then she starts asking me why I was mad. I said I was stressed by the situation and it just built up. somehow that was unacceptable for her.

We then talk about how I need to address my issues with her in a straight forward manner. I say there are some issue I can't address with you now. I just can't.

At one point, I say I handle my stress differently. She seem to think I said that she didn't have any, 'she then tells me how stressed she is, etc."

Then she says, "You're stressed? I want you out of my house."

I said, "Wait a minute this is our house. I understand why you feel that."

Then I do something kinda dumb. I say that because of our financial situation, it looks like it's not going to happen for while and we need to maybe start thinking creatively to accomplish her goals. (and mine.) I mean I don't see her working on things with me there.

Then she launches into, "I'm not saying that. You are, you are the one that's saying you should move out sooner. I'm not suggesting that."

I know she said the "wanted me out comment" out of anger.

She is confused about the move out plan, really confused. Maybe the last few weeks have played into that (thought Sat. night didnt' help)

She also said that she didn't want my flare ups to derail us and mentioned something about April (this confirmed my suspicions that my actions in April caused our piecing to end.)

So finally I apologize. Say that I can do better, etc. I will be talking to my IC about this too.

So then I'm downstairs playing Xbox when I get a txt from my W.

"Sorry about the fight. I know r r trying really hard, I see it everyday. I love u a lot and just want to keep moving forward without getting derailed. goodnight!"

Umm we are moving forward? here I thought we wee in limbo land. Derails us?

I basically kept my distance on Sunday and spent a lot of time playing with our youngest. He is a pistol for sure. i wasn't trying to be punitive though.

so then last night she is getting read to go to bed and says "sorry I'm so grouchy. I just feel off and i'm going to bed. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better."

I asked if it is anything specific she wants to talk about and she says no.

I think she was pissed at me for some reason, but I really didn't notice any outward grouchiness. I did see one incident that caused me to pause that she might be upset.Strange.

Then she was a cover hog all night. I know not to take their actions when they are sleeping for anything, but she always rolls away from me.

I find myself sad today though. I really miss the physical affection from her. I mean I see her and want to hug and kiss her. Having her sleep in the same bed can be tough at times.
Not to mention ML.

I am being patient on this, but I still miss it. My kids get extra hugs and kisses though.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau.