I must say I am disappointed in my W. She hasnt even acknowledged my birthday this morning. All the kids have, thank God for them.
So far I have been very good not talking about the R with her. I am having a tough time staying detached from her. It is clear to me that I still love her, but that she doesn't love me. My W loves our kids, and I love them too. I'm sure that my W is only here because she has no other options for where to live, or earn a living (she must feel trapped), and because she does not want to tell the kids and her family. My MIL, knows something is up, and was asking me questions about our R, 2 weeks ago. I told her that, I didn't feel comfortable discussing it with her and that she should talk to her daughter about it. My MIL agreed that I was right and that she would indeed have some conversations with my W when my W and the kids go there next week. My MIL will not shy away from talking to my W, and hopefully can help her sort out her head. I hope my W is honest and open with her mother, but I'm not counting on that. In the end, at least this will open the lines of communication between my W and her family. WAWs are very hard to understand. One minute friendly, the next distant. Case in point: yesterday, my W was having trouble getting her resume to load to an email, she actually asked for my help. Twice. She would have never asked me for help b4. Also, she has been going to bed 1 hour earlier and getting up an hour later than usual, for the last 2 weeks. It is a change in her behavior that I have noticed.
I am really conflicted, last week was a good week for being detached, but after spending the weekend together, I can feel my feeling for her resurfacing. I know that detaching is the only thing that will help me now. I am not sure why but I think in an effort the break my attachment to my W, I am starting to develop an attachment for someone else. I have recently {2 weeks} reestablished contact with a former co worker through Facebook. She was married when we worked together, and I never really took notice of her, until I was recommended by a friend to add her on FB. I have commented on her wall, and she has commented back. She is divorced now and listed as single on her info page. I must say, she is very attractive and that caught my eye. It is clear through her photos that she is a good mother to her kids and has GAL. Until a few weeks ago, I felt lost, but, now I know that if my W and I can't work things out, I will be ok. The experience with this person on FB, has taught me that I can have feelings for someone else and that I could be happy again. Ultimately though my dream is to rebuild a new marriage with my W and keep my family intact.
I am going to have a great day with my kids. I promised each of the yesterday, that I was giving them a gift today. That gift is a gift of time. I am going to spend 1/2 hour with each of them today doing whatever they want, my son wants to wrestle for his time, my youngest d wants to ride bikes for hers, and my oldest wants to play monopoly. I think we will all have fun. Ultimately, I will not expect anything from my W. Truthfully, I can't even call her my W anymore because she is so not the person I fell in love with and married. Truth is when I look at her I see a cold, distant, self centered, immature brat. Not at all the same person she was 18 months ago.
Anyways... Have a great day everyone!!!
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
