Over the last couple of weeks I had gone back to spending to much time and energy thinking about W etc, which was why I chose to bring things up.
Lots of conversation yesterday, far far too much to post, but some of them were:
W said at one stage that she needed to get out (and had been planning for a while, which I knew) as she didn't want to end up hating me as I am a good guy and a great father. I said thanks and that I agreed and that I also needed W to move out, as I was unhappy with how things had become, that is why I gave her the money to do so. We both agreed that things were not good at the end.
W gave some examples of things and said it showed I was quite controlling, again I acknowledged this (I had already had evaluated this myself) and agreed to a certain degree, however I also said that I felt W was controlling on aspects too, and gave some examples.
On some of the examples W gave I acknowledged them, and verified, but said what about looking at that from a different perspective, in that why did I react or be that way, then explained from my perspective why I said or did something, mainly due to insecurities due to my emotional needs not being met (this was after a discussion on LL's)
I think that was the main area for me, in that W didn't know what my emotional needs were, and I didn't hers until it was too late, thus we just drifted apart. We just stopped spending as much quality time together to talk, we did talk, but not enough one to one. We also both stopped doing individual things, as we both thought we were doing the right thing in our R for each other, not knowing this was the reverse, I stated this to W.
Upon reflection I think that W had been doing a lot of thinking as posted last week, however W had been thinking of issues to justify her leaving, not on learning or how things could have been done differently, so W is still much the same person.
Both of us said that we were different outside of the R, both of us are strong, confident and light hearted at work and around friends, but the opposite was true together a large part of the time. Also we both stated how our individual friends had said to us that we seemed to be happier and back to our old selves. (w's friends to her, and mine to me), and again it was a shame that we couldn't be like this together.
We both discussed other areas where we felt things had gone wrong, W said that it wasn't my entire fault, which I thanked her for, then agreed and said I was 100% responsible for my 50% of the relationship. (so W has looked at some of her own areas which is good)
I said that I didn't want to go back to the R as it was, and that with everything which has happened we have both learnt and reflected upon, and that things could be different in a new R. I said I would rather start from the beginning with W getting to know each other again, esp as we have the kids and house etc, rather than someone else at this stage. W said that this what not what she wanted and that we both need to move on.
I said it was a shame that we are hear, but it is what it is, but it is just sad.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
