my heart is breaking

[kermitdfrog]

Thanks for your responses and Birthday wishes jbnati, Kaffe Diem, Country-Song, Royloveshiswife, DoggySector and AloneAt35,

Doggy, I loved the great info about Codependent Anonymous! It really does sound like my H has heard this stuff from others, or read about it. He does seem to have the attitude that we "need" to be apart. We aren't healthy. (He says things like "We don't make each other better." "Marriage is a dance. And we don't dance well together" and all this type of garbage) Hopefully he will come off the pink cloud soon. Is there anything I can do to help that process along?

Thank you, Alone, for praying for me. I know you are dealing with an OW, but if you keep being the best person you can be, eventually that OW will be gone (they almost always are gone at some point) and he will look back at you and realize how stupid he was to let you go. My goal for my behavior through this has been to "take the high road" in all situations. In the end, we will look better. I will keep praying for you.

So, tonight was the concert. It was a great night for the most part, but after he dropped me off and I was alone in the house, I sobbed for a half hour. Sometimes I think the closer to "normal" we get, the more obvious it becomes that we aren't normal. Does that make any sense? I love being with him so much, and I kind of get in the groove of being with him....and then he leaves. I hate it!

He picked me up at around 5:00 and we went and had a quick dinner. Then we went to the concert (the groups Styx and Yes. Styx has been my favorite band since the 70s and I have seen them a million times, but I adore them) H was very generous, offering to buy me a tshirt (which I accepted) and two expensive margaritas in keepsake glasses, which were expensive. I point all this out because my H has ALWAYS been a tightwad. He doesn't like to spend money. But tonight he was very generous. Why????

What really bothered me, though, was that he did not touch me at all. No arm around me in the seats, no hand holding. I guess I am getting greedy. A month ago I would have been thrilled with a text message. Now he is taking me to a concert, took me to lunch on my birthday, and sent me a card for my birthday that was ALMOST a little romantic. I guess I can't expect everything to be normal. It just hurts because in the almost 30 years we have been together we have gone to tons of concerts, and he usually has his arm around me or something. Also, a couple times when I came out of the bathroom he was checking his phone. He said he was reading emails. But of course, in my mind I wondered if he is talking to a woman. No real reason. I'm just paranoid, but how can I not be? I have to get a grip though and try not to think that way because it gets me going down a negative path. I have to try to stay positive.

But again, the hard thing is that I LOVE to be with him. I miss him so much I can't stand it! I want him home!!!! I keep thinking about the birthday card he sent me, and I can't think of any way it could not be a good sign. I mean, why would he have picked out a card like that?? My friend's husband said "As a man, I'm telling you...if he proceeds with the divorce after sending you a card that says 'To my wife, my friend, my love...' then he is certifiably insane". But, my husband doesn't always make a lot of sense. So who knows.

I see my IC tomorrow, who was also H's IC, and he was our MC, so he knows the sitch well. I can't wait to see what he thinks about all of this.

Anyway, have a good night everybody!