Divorce on the horizon?

[AntoniaB]

I agree with everyone else. There you were detaching and doing ok, and she messaged you and pulled you back in.

You have to defriend her. This is a necessity for all the reasons everyone said. This connection is only making it worse. Think about it--what if there wasn't any facebook at all? I can tell you it was the source of a ton of trouble for me and in one way it occasionally still is as I have one friend who "hates" my ex but won't defriend him so she can spy on him. I have to basically tell her not to tell me what's going on. It's like an accident she can't tear herself away from and I don't get why she wants to watch the carnage other than to be the one to "warn me" if he breaks up with OW because she's afraid I'll take him back.

Therefore, if you have mutual friends between you and your W on fbook, you need to anticipate and plan for this. First of all, if you have but ONE mutual friend with her and either of your settings are set to open to "friends of friends", she can still see your page or parts of it. If this is the case, the only way is to also put her on your block list. Putting her there makes you "disappear" to her. POOF. Then she can't see if you're talking about MLC or whatever.

AND, if you have chatty mutual friends like mine, you are also going to have to ask that person to leave you out of the loop. You need to say do not inform me of what she's posting or her every move. It's not healthy for me to hear about her.

I didn't do that soon enough, and I spent a lot of time crying over what people "reported" back to me. I'd have been better off not knowing.

So consider all this stuff when you defriend. You need a safe space to talk with those who support you right now, and she's invading it.