Thank you so much for taking the time to help me. You really have helped me to look at this a different way. You are right that if I saw this as an illness I would be better to him and I would treat him ALOT differently. I am definitely going to try to look at this in a different perspective and see if that helps our R. He swears that he has NO contact with her, but I just don't believe him to be honest and I think that is causing alot of the problems that we have because it causes tension...anytime he's late getting home from work, anytime his phone beeps, etc.
He absolutely HATES to talk about our R, but I will try the suggestion of 20 min once or twice a week. I think that would help me alot!!
I really can't thank you enough for your wonderful insight and I will refer back to your post to me quite often to help me when I'm losing focus. I almost feel like a WAW myself because I'm just so tired of it all. However, your post has given me a new perspective and I will attempt to put it to use, because you are right...I do want everything to be perfect RIGHT NOW!!!
You have great moderators. They know how to contact me because of my history here. You are getting GREAT advice, you just need to add to your skillset. Also--I have been there. It [censored] because you can't be on top of everything all the time. And over the years you realize, every little detail doesn't matter. It's what you build the focus on. Boundaries are good. But they are nothing with out the relative skillsets. And bending and understanding can be useless without boundaries (Starsky would be sooo surprised to here me say that. )
You obviously have something chemistry/attraction related. You obviously have a pull related to your daughter. And you obviously have a man who has some emotional and/or physical pull towards someone else who really wants to change and make it work with you. YOU. If it was JUST your daughter, you would have some different responses, even though you might FEEL it's just for you.
YOU have a GREAT chance for success. I believe you will be GIVING advice...being one of the leads on the board when you are 'feeling' it.
When I look back at my own relationship and my successes and failures, right now...my partner is awesome. 10 years in the making. There were times I was the strength. And some people would have called me stupid. Actually, even by best friend as much as I love her.
I believe you can and will do this.
If i miss the connection to you because I'm distracted, 'notify' Jack. He knows how to find me.
Btw- Jack is very wise. When I was moderating and we Jamesjohn lost the ability to spend a lot of time on the board (he was a GREAT moderator), I was hoping JTB would moderate. He's a success. He's wise. He's not afraid to share his opinion...conventional and nonconventional. And he cares. He has a great heart.
He's one of the great men on the board. Starsky is very very good, even though we will not agree on every point.
Oldtimer Women: besides me, sandi2, snodderly, brandnewday, oldtime come to mind.
PIECING is my favorite board. Because you folks are SOLUTION ORIENTED. Hell-bent on real stuff for making it work.
Work it, girl!
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
) 