I'm off to see The Wizard

[~¤DG¤~]

I don't know what is going on with me, but the past few days have been almost impossible to get through.
I did something really stupid. I sent H a text saying that I still want him and I still want our M.
I told him there hasn't been anyone during our time apart and that I hope it isn't too late for us.

Why did I send it? Because I'm tired of feeling like I'm not mentioning on the big elephant in the room. I've avoided talking about R with him because I've been too afraid of him telling me it's over.
For me, up until now, I've thought that not talking about it has been easier, but it really hasn't.

If he still tells me he doesn't know what he wants, then I have no choice but to let go. Forever.
I just can't do this anymore. The rejection makes me feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on.
I am having such a hard time coping, and all this uncertainty makes it so much harder on me. If I know one way or the other, it gives me the opportunity to figure out which direction I need to take in my life.

I'm about 99.9.% he either A.) Won't answer me at all or B) Tell me he can't.

If he can't, he can't. At least I'll know.