Should I contact her?

[♪CS♪]

What is the point if this 'meeting' again?

[Lonely Room]

Hi all,

The point with this contact was to test the waters in terms of communication receptivity. My objective is to have a quick chat over Messenger to check how she is, etc.. I also need opportunities to show my wife how I improved my life, how I changed with what happened in the last 6 weeks.

The meeting thing was a step in the wrong direction, I admit. It's too soon and I wanted too much in a simple text message. I learned my lesson and it won't happen again: small steps, one at a time, that's the rule.

Cheers.

[~ kd ~]

This is going to be your show, LR... If you expect your W to open up, you might be disappointed. She might be thinking there's some "bomb" in your desire to talk.

So I'd recommend that IF you go through with this messenger chat, know exactly what you want to say and how you're planning on closing.

She may not be receptive to ANY "nice" conversation you might want to have...

AND... understand that I have tried to set up little meeting to "test" back in the day when I was still not following DB and they failed to happen, even though my W agreed. And you'll see this occur on others, just recently...

She may bail on you, last minute... you have to be ready to accept that, just as you didn't anticipate no response to your initial text earlier...

[♪CS♪]

Well then, I guess you answered the question the the title of your thread.

[Lonely Room]

Than you,

I know, I need to prepare myself for what to say when the time comes to have the chat over Messenger. I guess I'll stick to non-relationship subjects, as things can get misunderstood. I really just want to hear about my wife, check how she is, answer to any question she might have, etc..

Anyway, important thing, yesterday out of the bloom I got a text from my wife saying that she understood my explanation about the meeting confusion. Then she says that she has a problem on her phone (it's writing weird characters), says she's having a early night and says that today or tomorrow she'll have the new phone and will be back to me when fully functional. I don't know what to think, although I left my last text open I wasn't expecting a response, specially 24 hours later.

Very confusing.

Regards.

[Lonely Room]

Another development:

This morning my wife had to forward me a phone text with some bank account information and I replied to thank her. I also said that the text she sent me yesterday with all the messed-up characters (her phone is playing funny) made me laugh.

She replied saying that besides everything and anything, she doesn't mind to forward me the account details. Immediately she sent another text with a funny remark about the messed-up characters.

I replied laughing, saying that I was trying to look serious in a work meeting, saying that I was hungry but the meeting was still going on, and asking her if she wanted to swap with me.

This was 2 hours ago and she didn't reply yet.

I don't know what to think about this, it's some communication but I'm afraid of being interpreting this the wrong way and being too pushy.

What do you think?

[MHL]

Hey Lonely,

This is exactly what I was talking about with the electronic communication......

This was 2 hours ago and she didn't reply yet.

I don't know what to think about this,

You will obsess about the littlelest communication and it will get you off track....

What did she mean??

Why did she not reply??

Did she interpret what I said the wrong way???

It is all crap and you will drive yourself crazy and YOU WILL push her away.

Texting and emailing are done when it is not convenient to talk on the phone or in person.

All too often we use texting and email as a substitute for a conversation.

Texting and email and for that matter Facebook are just a way to communication information.......not feelings.

That is done on the phone or in person.......I prefer "in person"

I bet when you responded to her text you did so within seconds of receiving her text......right???

What message does that send her???

Remember you are a busy person..........don't respond so quickly and let her send the last communication whenever possible.

You are looking for results from a couple of texts.......this is going to take a lot longer than that.

Patience is the key here........I would lay off for a couple of weeks.......

If you do not hear from her do not contact her.

I think that this whole exchange did not go well........you need to back off.

The whole thing about "needing to say some things and you need to hear some things".......

You might as well have gone over to her house and just said that you want to talk about getting back together.......that is what I got from that...........

I bet she did too.

You were going to initiate contact to maybe go for coffee or something not fullfill some "need" you have.

See the difference?

You have to keep it light, short and sweet......

and you will have to do that for a long time before you would talk about anything else.

Hope this helps.

Cheers

[Lonely Room]

Hi MHL, thank you again.

I know, I gave to many and too long steps. I need to keep them smaller and fewer.

It is no secret that I want us to be together again, she implicitly knows that, or else I would have picked-up all my stuff from the house, I would have started divorce proceedings, etc.. But I didn't.

I know I made a few errors in this exchange and I regret them, but I learned with them. What puzzled me most was the kind of messages she sent me, happy, funny, as if she was trying to pick-up a conversation or initiating something. Specially yesterday's message.

I still don't understand what goes on her head...

Cheers!

[MHL]

What puzzled me most was the kind of messages she sent me, happy, funny, as if she was trying to pick-up a conversation or initiating something. Specially yesterday's message.

I still don't understand what goes on her head...

Again, I don't think that you are understanding what it is that you are doing to yourself.......

You are reading into her messages what she is "feeling".....

How can you possibly assertain that she was happy or funny???

or that she was trying to start a conversation???

Your communication with her should be short and sweet......


Hey W, How are you? Would you like to meet me for coffee or lunch at ___(place)____ on this _____(day)____ at this ____time____?

Short and sweet.

If she asks why, then say that you thought that she might like it.

again short and sweet.

she will say Yes or NO.

I would not carry on any other conversation with her via text or email other than strictly information purposes.

[Lonely Room]

You are right MHL, normally that's what should happen. But my wife doesn't like confrontation and she clearly ruled out a meeting in the second text we exchanged.

I'm going to shut up for some time, and wait for what comes from her. I'm losing my faith, I'm seeing my wife drifting away from me, moving on, and I'm still obsessed with her.

This obsession is turning me into an appendix of her existence, I live for her, I go to the gym for her, I'm improving myself for her, I'm making friends for her. And I should be doing all that for me, because when she feels comfortable and finally dumps the last bomb on me, the appendix will be cut and I'll be left as an empty vessel.

I can't tolerate that to happen to me.

Thank you all.