It's been awhile since I posted on my thread. I was inadvertently posting on Talk’s thread for a short time before being reminded that I have my own thread to post within, so, here I am. Approx a week after Talk stopped posting, I stopped as well. Everything seemed fine between Talk and I, but we were really in a holding pattern b/c I wasn’t talking about our past, my behavior or Talk’s feelings. I wasn’t posting and I wasn’t communicating on a deep level with my W, which led to another hic-up, once again, at an airport; Talk and I went to Florida on a business trip. We got into an argument when trying to find our luggage before clearing customs. Long story short, W was upset with the situation, then became short with me, I retaliated verbally and then tried to control her with verbal orders (i.e. stop moving and follow-me). The only thing that saved my bacon was that we were meeting my co-worker for a connecting flight, so W was forced to put on a brave face.
In the end, we had a great trip, but my W is really hurt that I didn’t discuss our situation. My problem continues to be poor communication; not thinking before speaking and being verbally abusive. I know I’m lucky that my W is still with me and I want to stop wasting my life, and my W's life, b/c I can't communicate.
I’ll admit it; I don’t want to discuss sensitive issues with my W b/c I always end up freaking out, which makes the situation worse. That being said, I’m losing my W b/c I don’t discuss real issues. Also I react quickly, too quickly to write things down.
Besides writing, which I will use when the situation permits, do you have any advice to assist me when I feel compelled to lash out verbally?
