Your H is very much in a fog right now, and chances are he has no idea what is going on in his head either.
When my H left, I rearranged my living room to how I wanted it and he never did. I also did a thorough cleaning of my kitchen and reorganized all my cupboards. It made me feel like things were more "mine" again, and not "ours" I think it's important to do whatever you can to get through the hard moments.
Of course you'll have both good and bad days, but the good news is eventually the good will out weigh the bad.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
girl... I'm sure if you put your ear up to his... you'd hear the ocean...
Heehee! You know, at one point, he even admitted he didn't know what he thinks. I said, "It's disrespectful to sit in this house and chat with her (his affair partner)" and he just looked at me, and I asked, "Do you disagree?" and he admitted, "I don't know what I think."
I shouldn't waste my time trying to assign rational motivation to a person who is currently irrational, but .. one strives to make sense and order of things.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
I know I'm in the minority, but I'm not a person who believes much in God or a higher power.
I do use guided meditation, but I haven't since I found out about his affair. Need to get back to it.
Actually slept better than I expected - staying up until 3am talking with a friend will do that. Wish I could have slept past 8:30, but I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
Had a hard conversation with H today. Harder for him than for me - basically said that despite what he seems to believe, he's not going to be able to see S7 as much as he wants once he moves out.
Explained that S7 being secure and moving at his own speed was most important, and reminded him that, "This is a choice you are making."
He got hurtful at one point, and I called him on it (not something I often do). He said, "Oh, I forgot, you never get up in the morning with him."
I said, "Was that necessary? It was mean and deliberately hurtful."
He tried to say, "Well, you're going back on what you .." and I interrupted him (rude, I know), and said, "Was that necessary? Was it? To say something mean just to hurt me?"
He looked at me and we moved on. A couple of minutes later he apologised.
I'm not sure I'm DB-ing anymore. I'm setting boundaries and I'm not letting him walk over them, and that feels healthy.
But I'm looking for non-aggressive language to help with the 'This is your choice' part of the conversation. I am compassionate in regards to his pain, but it's pain he is *choosing*. It's pain he is *causing himself*. I don't want to say "I'm sorry it's difficult", because I'm not - I want it to be difficult. Breaking S7's heart should be difficult. I want to be able to gently say, "This is the result of the choices you are making."
Is that too adversarial? Is there a better way I could say it?
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
Of course, pushing for him to have guilt over saying it could have resulted in a flair up... thankfully, it didn't...
Maybe here's the thing... could that have been a 180 for you? Sticking up for yourself when he's being disrespectful?
I'm not pushing him to feel guilty - but if being honest leads to guilt, I suppose that's what happens.
And yes, in the past, I would have ignored what he said and then several hours (or perhaps days) later told him it hurt my feelings and was mean. Speaking up immediately is a new thing for me.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
