Can My Marriage Be Saved, Pt 2

[a girl]

Had a hard conversation with H today. Harder for him than for me - basically said that despite what he seems to believe, he's not going to be able to see S7 as much as he wants once he moves out.

Explained that S7 being secure and moving at his own speed was most important, and reminded him that, "This is a choice you are making."

He got hurtful at one point, and I called him on it (not something I often do). He said, "Oh, I forgot, you never get up in the morning with him."

I said, "Was that necessary? It was mean and deliberately hurtful."

He tried to say, "Well, you're going back on what you .." and I interrupted him (rude, I know), and said, "Was that necessary? Was it? To say something mean just to hurt me?"

He looked at me and we moved on. A couple of minutes later he apologised.

I'm not sure I'm DB-ing anymore. I'm setting boundaries and I'm not letting him walk over them, and that feels healthy.

But I'm looking for non-aggressive language to help with the 'This is your choice' part of the conversation. I am compassionate in regards to his pain, but it's pain he is *choosing*. It's pain he is *causing himself*. I don't want to say "I'm sorry it's difficult", because I'm not - I want it to be difficult. Breaking S7's heart should be difficult. I want to be able to gently say, "This is the result of the choices you are making."

Is that too adversarial? Is there a better way I could say it?