Dazed and confused...

[lstincali22]

Thanks Country, I wrote in a journal until I got to the point that I felt I had come to terms with the PA.

I have since decided to work through whatever feelings came up. One of my biggest personal issues was I would always run away from whatever I was feeling or cloaked it in anger.

I was always afraid of being vulnerable, that is no longer the case. I just don't immediately act on those feelings.

I have been thinking about a few things, one complaint that my W had was that I would only show her affection in the bedroom.

She felt that I was ashamed to be with her. which of course was never the case. If i'm not supposed to be hanging all over her how can I show her that things can and will be different?

How can I show her that SHE means the world to me and I don't want to stay together just for the sake of the kids?


I am getting frustrated and need to keep finding a way to keep my hope alive.

there have been more and more days that I feel like telling her to get her stuff and leave so I can just move past all of this and move on with my life. I know I'll get the " what's keeping you from moving on" but really I guess I'm just venting.

I know if I would like this to work I have to be prepared for the marathon, but, this is exhausting!

on a happier note I spent most of yesterday fishing with S9. It was a great day, we didn't catch much but we had a wonderful time together.

Today we have a party to go to, ALL of us. This should be interesting....