Having some really odd mixed feelings. Yesterday my WAW asked me out to dinner. No R talk or anything like that just idle chit chat. While we were talking I found myself looking at her but kind of spacing off. I just kept getting these weird feelings of please stay and please leave. I think some of it is from selfish reasons like if our marriage worked out I would have to give up my new friends because of how insanely jealous my WAW gets. We'd go back to doing nothing at all most weekends. I've gotten to where I like going out. I like hanging out with my friends. I feel better than I have in years mentally and physically. My confidence level had gotten so low and now it's gotten to where I don't feel so much anxiety to go talk to people. I guess what I'm getting at is that if WAW decided she wanted to work on our marriage I'd have to think really hard if I want that life back anymore. I know I still love her and everything but I dunno it's just all so confusing really. which I understand jealousy and such is natural when friends of the opposite sex. Like I said though maybe I'm being selfish here or maybe not considering there hasn't been any talk of trying to work things out
I don't see it as you being selfish. Based on other LBH's threads, I believe it is a normal transition you experience when you finally began to move forward and then WAW shows interest. She had you in a bad place. You had isolated yourself from the rest of the world. I think it took courage for you to reach out and make new friends. It also seems to have been very good for your self-esteem.
She isn't just jealous over another female, but she is jealous of you making any life apart from her. I am very concerned she will try to "tag" you. Expect her to throw herself at you (sexually), and if you have sex with her, then she'll walk away knowing she still has her name branded all over you. It's sort of a power play to see that she's still in control of your life. If you succumb to her advances and have sex with her, she will not be very interested for very long. Just long enough to know she has grabbed you back out of the world and pulled you back to her dark, isolated corner.
Loving a person does not mean that you have to live with them. Telling her that you would have a lot to think over, is the exact answer to give.
After taking her to dinner, I think she will start the whole texting again. Don't become a slave to that, please, not after working so hard to over-come.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I just kept getting these weird feelings of please stay and please leave. I think some of it is from selfish reasons like if our marriage worked out I would have to give up my new friends because of how insanely jealous my WAW gets. We'd go back to doing nothing at all most weekends. I've gotten to where I like going out. I like hanging out with my friends. I feel better than I have in years mentally and physically. ... I guess what I'm getting at is that if WAW decided she wanted to work on our marriage I'd have to think really hard if I want that life back anymore. I know I still love her and everything but I dunno it's just all so confusing really.
Hollowed, I hear ya, man. I've had similar feelings. I don't want to go back to the same old, same old. The good news is your W doesn't want to go back to that, either. IMO, I think you need more time. More time to establish your new life. More time for it to be routine. Doing those things, IMO, will help prevent you from reverting back to the old.
Well another work week down. Short week this week unfortunately. It ended yesterday. Spent most of today in the hospital actually. My dad is still in there so I spent part of the day with him and one of my friends ended up in the hospital for a little while today. She was in quite a bit of pain and they discovered she had a cyst. They sent her home which kind of surprised me really when they were concerned that it might rupture.
Going to see Captain America this weekend. Supposed to help my mother move tomorrow. I made another friend a few days ago. So going to hang out with him and his girlfriend this weekend. Which at times I can't help but actually laugh about it a little bit. With my wife I had become to think I was just worthless and here I am getting a whole new life and finding out otherwise. It's kind of exciting really.
My WAW has been texting me more frequently as Sandi said. Which half the time I just don't even answer. I really don't have much to say to her right now honestly. I remain polite when she texts but I usually cut off the conversation pretty quickly. I just want to live my life even if that life is away from her. She's wanted to hang out a couple of times since we had dinner and I've rejected one of the offers saying I already had other plans and I did. Some of this stuff is still confusing to me like trying to figure out what's going on with me. I have found out enough to know that she worked things out with the OM and for some reason still tries to keep it a secret from me but it just really doesn't bother me that much anymore and that's the part that confuses me.
I just really like the direction my life is going right now. It's just so unreal how honestly happy I am. It's now been several weeks since she said she was going to file and she hasn't done it yet. The threat of divorce really isn't so scary to me anymore. I never really thought I would get to a point where I'm not so sad about it but yet here I am.
One of my friends called me a few minutes ago saying I have to go see Smurfs with her in a couple of hours. Gold help me...I did not want to see that movie but it's out of the house anyways I just told her that for me to do this she will have to see some no story nothing meaningful action packed shooter on an unspecified day. I think it's a good trade lol
So Smurfs this morning. Hanging out with a friend this afternoon and off to see Captain America tomorrow. Should be a good day.
That sounds like a smurfy good time! Smurf what what I mean?
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Well Smurfs actually surprised me and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. No desire to see it again anytime soon though! Captain America was good though.
Got off work today and went to the park for a quick run. Came home and WAW had left me an email. Which really surprised me because she normally texts. Wasn't nothing special just about a bed she was buying and wanted to know if I would help her get it. I have yet to respond.
Her job called me and left a message on the home phone for her. Guess during all this she forgot to mention to them that she no longer worked here. Anyways they left her a message saying she was no longer needed out there. Thought that was a weird way of letting someone know they are laid off instead of just telling them to their face. So that was a fun message I had to deliver. She just cursed about it a couple of times and said great now no one over here has a job. I just said well it happens just got to get back to looking as soon as you can and got off the phone. I still got her cat I need to text her and tell her she needs to pick up food for it. Although I will probably end up buying it food myself considering she doesn't ever deal with the cat anymore so it's more mine than her's lately and I just really don't feel like dealing with any kind of drama my WAW may bring with her. I should just let that be my response to the email she sent me
Nothing planned for this afternoon but watch some TV and probably play around with my 3D artwork that I've gotten back into. Looking around for another guitar and amp. I've been wanting to knock the rust off and get back into it again.
Overall adjusting really well actually to all of these changes. Never really thought the whole affair and pending divorce would stop hurting but it has. She hasn't even mentioned filing for divorce in a couple of weeks or so. So no idea really what is going with that anymore.
this actually started last week but one of my friends admitted to wanting to start dating me. I didn't really know what to say to that. I told her that I still had some work to do on me before I even considered really dating anyone. She said she understood that. That was also the last time I talked to her. I've shot her a couple of texts since only got one reply back saying she hasn't been feeling well. Which she may not be but the timing just seems really odd to me. Of course my brain does have a habit of running wild on me.
Rumor has it at my job they are going to lay a bunch of us off at the end of the month. So I've started doing more job searching to try to have something lined up just in case and maybe even find something better and closer to home.
WAW text me the other day just to say she doesn't feel like we talk anymore. I just replied back with I guess it's because we both have been off doing our own thing and leading different lives than we were before. She never replied back and haven't heard from her since. Which is fine by me. I didn't even think about it till just now actually.
Nothing going on today just been cleaning house. It's raining today so just been cleaning and watching TV. Really want to go out for a jog. My friends are all busy today so not much to do.
So overall I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on things but it just seems like my uphill road has a hit a rough patch. Possibly lost a friend and possibly losing my job at the end of the month not a fun thing.
I just told her that for me to do this she will have to see some no story nothing meaningful action packed shooter on an unspecified day. I think it's a good trade lol