WAW, Filing as Fast as Possible

[aeolianchaos]

Just updating.

Spent most of yesterday trying to not overheat (the weather is absolutely oppressive the past few days) and working on a cover letter for a Job that popped up on my radar. Really not sure if I'm doing things 'right' with that. The anxiety of 'getting it wrong' is pretty powerful. I find myself going to it and then going away from it repeatedly - reminds me of trying to write Term Papers in college. I am trying to use it as another opportunity to recognize an unnecessary anxiety that might be holding me back from greater things, or at least a better experience.

Still, writing cover letters = unhappy AeolianChaos

Just about finished up reading Schnarch's Passionate Marriage. A lot of interesting insights in there that make quite a bit of sense to me. It definitely makes me reflect about what I'm experiencing even at this point - and how it might be in my interests to confront myself a little more. He has some very interesting insights about how even when we think we 'aren't communicating well' we are actually 'communicating quite well, but just don't like what the other is saying'

Also there are concepts in there that build on the idea that even thought W is acting the way she is acting, I can choose to self-soothe and act from what is best in me, or be the person I want to be independent of what she is doing.

I am still in a NC pattern with W. At this point it would seem almost silly to respond to those texts from a week and a half ago.

I seem to be having more dreams about W, lately. Many of which are kind of positive. Waking from them isn't the most pleasant thing, but maybe there is a positive emotion in my subconscious that is promoting this? I don't know.