The Lies and Deception Killing Me

[abbey1989]

Hi AJM,

Thank you for your words. I guess I have been avoiding the whole attorney thing because I feel once I go there.......it will be hard to look back.

I don't know if I am so emotional because of the lack of attention from H, my kids growing up and not needing me as much any more, blah blah blah. All I know is I break down and cry over the craziest things lately (not in front of anyone though). My daughter's college sent a package in the mail with little "Out of the Blue" care package cards so that on various holidays...or for no reason at all I can send her care packages when she is at college. I opened that envelope and just cried! What is wrong with me?

We were originally supposed to leave today for our vacation...but then decided to leave tomorrow early instead. We're going with a couple other families who are also leaving tomorrow.

So last night I was super excited to be off of work and in "vacation mode". H got home and I said hey let's go to dinner to kick off our vacation! He replied "ah...if we go out...I'll lose steam and I want to ride my bike in the a.m. I'm happy to stay home and do laundry tonight". Seriously?? And guess who is doing the laundry?

And I know until I can have an honest conversation about why I get anxious about his "bike rides" and "motorcycle rides", things will never change. And he'll just accuse me of not trusting.

Last few nights I haven't been sleeping....H could tell something was wrong and he did actually put his arm around me and snuggle in bed that night. I can count two times in the last six months when he has done that.

I know I sound like a blubbering idiot. Sometimes just need to vent when there is no one to talk to. Thank for listening.

Maybe I need meds. I don't know.