My 180's H won't see cause he is not here and I have NC.
The one thing I learned from my friends here on this site was this...(which took me FOREVER to actually realize)
you make the changes for you and you alone! changing to get him back is just a tactic and not real change. Real change is for you. it makes you a better person - whether your H comes back or not.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I know where I live you can go petition for C/S without having to do anything else legally, such as filing for S or D.
You could go to the internet and figure out the percentage your H would have to pay in C/S in your state and contact your H with the figures and see if he'll go along with that before going the legal route.
Contact about kids or financials are a legitimate reason to break N/C. As the primary breadwinner your H is legally obligated to financially support his children.
Some MLCers are notorious for spending money. Do what you have to do to protect the kids and yourself. If you don't you could end up being legally responsible for whatever spending he runs up.
Separate your financials. If your name is on any of his CCs, get it removed. If you don't have your own bank account, get one.
If you are having thoughts that these things might push him farther away, lose them. In the long run it won't make any difference. If/when they wake up they will realize that yes, it was their responsibility and the right thing to do.
He will probably be angry at these steps. Do not let that stop you from doing whatever you have to to make sure your kids and you get what you need to live.
I know it's scary, but if you think about it, how much further away can he get than he already is?
Right now, you're priority is your children. Sweetie, if your H was in his right mind at all, they would be his, too. So, while he's on his ride on the mothership, it's up to you as the sane and responsible parent to make sure your children have their needs met.
I just want you to know your H isn't especially evil, many MLCers do what he's done. It's all part of the spectrum. It just gives you an idea of how truly messed up they can get. If you haven't, read Brooklyn's story. Her XH's antics will make your head spin.
I don't know the laws in your state concerning C/S. Looking it up on the internet in your state may give you some answers of who to contact. If not, you can try calling your local Family Court on Monday. They will be able to help you get started.
I know it's hard, but doing this sooner rather than later is in you and your children's best interest.
