Thanks for the reply!! I have asked him to send the OW a no-contact letter and he will not do it. He says our problem is that I expect to much from him.
A: "Then I guess we both have some very important decisions to make." And end the conversation.
It's important that you don't try to SELL him on what your Boundaries of Personal Integrity are (such as "I cannot live in a marriage where my husband is still in contact with a woman with whom he's had an affair"). You may even want to say that: "Look, I'm not going to SELL you on this; you asked me what it would take for you to come back, and I'm telling you 'This is what I need in a husband. If you're saying you can't be that, then I thank you for being honest with me, and we both have some important decisions to make."