One thing that will most likely be very helpful in the healing after his infidelity is setting limits on the R discussions. Once or twice a week, you get 20 minutes to talk. Something like that, and he has to hear you and reassure you. You don't demean him, or tear him down, you just tell him your feelings and what you need reassurance on. Then you give him a break. Your D can only take so much of this stress as well.
He may have something to say to you, too, about improvements he needs from YOU. Really listen. You have a right to not do it, get angry, say forget it. It won't get you what you want. Making him happy doesn't make him a 'cakeeater', he is going to have to do work too. He might be more motivated and grieve less if he is growing happier with you.
When you talk to your friends or even folks on the board, they will want to side with you and make you feel better. They might do that so much, they might discourage you from the things you can do to build your warm, loving family. Don't let them.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
