Oh, DG, I'm sorry for the pain you're in. It's so hard - I also struggle with the masochist urge to snoop - and every time I do, I'm sorry. Doesn't stop me, though.
*hugs*
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
I'm sorry, DG. I so know how you feel about looking where you shouldn't be looking. My W assured me 3 separate times she was done with the OM/EA but I "found out" otherwise.
Ouch.
Time for you to let go? Probably.
Pursue a D? Not so much.
I don't think you want to be the one to declare your marriage DOA yet ( I could be wrong, of course...). But I know that feeling: we're the only ones trying to save our M's, the rejection and loss of love by our S's is intensely painful, the lack of any physical contact or intimacy is difficult and frustrating, there must be someone out there who will love us the way we deserve to be loved...it feels like we're trying to push a rope up a hill.
You can move on but still leave the door open. It would be sad if you / I / we called it quits only to realize later that if we gave things more time they would have come around.
Am I suggesting you stay in this uncertain place forever? Absolutely not. But I did read somewhere to give these situations a year before making any hard decisions. For some people, that is an impossible amount of time. Others may see it as easy. Each of us sets our own timetable and only we know when it is finally time to end things.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
DG I am sorry. I know that feeling. I had to stop myself from looking at H's cell phone or history on the computer anymore because it never gave me any good news. It is actually better know because he went and got a new phone on another company so I can't look at his bill. He is still texting away but it is not in my face anymore. I think you should tell him to get his own plan at least then you can't look anymore.
DG, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
I don't think you want to be the one to declare your marriage DOA yet ( I could be wrong, of course...). But I know that feeling: we're the only ones trying to save our M's, the rejection and loss of love by our S's is intensely painful, the lack of any physical contact or intimacy is difficult and frustrating, there must be someone out there who will love us the way we deserve to be loved...it feels like we're trying to push a rope up a hill.
You can move on but still leave the door open. It would be sad if you / I / we called it quits only to realize later that if we gave things more time they would have come around.
I am with Telemark on this one. I suggest giving yourself a few days to cool off, and see where you are.
Right now, too, you only know part of the story. Don't let assumptions get the best of you.
I am sorry you found something you did not want to see.
You know it is not about letting things go or "allowing" them to get away with murder while you smile and pretent to be ok with everything they are doing.
All that does is cause anger in you that will one day resurface whether you R or not.
But
It is important that when you are ready to set the boundaries they come from a place of peace and tranquility.
I am going to let go and move on. Not pursue a D, just move on. I told myself I would give myself a year before I made any decisions and I plan on sticking to that.
I back slid a little bit, but I'm much better now.
Whoever he is talking to, it really doesn't matter. If he looked at my phone he'd see a whole bunch of different numbers because I text lots of people all of the time. Doesn't mean I am doing anything wrong, so maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions.
Tonight the kids & I are heading down to the county fair for a few hours. I absolutely love goats and I can't wait to see them
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
