I have felt nothing but relief. Maybe some sadness. But the weight coming off my shoulders--wow. I didn't know you could feel that good finally getting something you didn't want and worked so hard to keep from happening.
I have had a rough summer--wondering WHAT in the world was up with the delay of the D, then getting bit by my dog (accident--stepped on him) but it was a horrible bite--my Xray tech neighbor said he hit an artery after she saw the blood stains that are still in the barn and where it happened on my leg. She said I was so lucky not to get an infection.
I've had things in the house (because of ex's lack of repairing and keeping up with ANYTHING) fall apart all around me--the water tank rusted apart and as soon as I had that replaced I got a leak in my laundry room. It's major. Still working on that one! Thankful I paid my homeowner's insurance!!
My ex didn't give me any money after March--no child support--nothing. And I took on every single bill. 2 mortgages--everything. I rented out the property with the trailer to a neighbor that is losing his house. That money saved me. Neighbor has fixed up 660 square feet SO ADORABLY (he is horrified when I call the place adorable or cute.lol. But it is AMAZING!!!) He paid I-don't-even-know WHAT to make the water tank at the trailer not have dirt/crud in it any longer. I tell him he is an angel sent to help me on this earth. He laughs at me.
I have had so many angels come help me. I look at people completely differently. They are angels with special powers to say the right thing at the right time. I don't know how to make them human again. Maybe I never have to. They guide me and protect me and are all around me. Even though bad things happen--they never end up all that bad. The dog bite that should have ? had stitches at least I think--I had my church pray over it, put antibiotic ointment on it--stayed off of it--it's almost healed over. I never had a problem from it.
I got A's in all my classes. I met the most amazing people. I have a new fun hobby of clipping coupons and getting FREE STUFF. SO much fun!
Going through this process has been so incredibly difficult--and yet it has brought me the most incredible joy. Do I sound nuts???? I ask people all the time--are they SURE I'm not losing it?? They laugh at me.
I have no bitterness towards ex. The things I could be angry with him about....they are blessings in disguise. The home he fled from and stuck me with--all the problems--they are being solved slowly and miraculously in the most incredible ways! I have no job yet--and yet....I am not freaked out about it at all. I have been told over and over--you will find a job. I believe them.
I was in Walgreens "doing my thing" with the coupons and a lady stopped and we chatted for about 1/2 hour--me explaining how to do it--and then I noticed she was wearing scrubs. I asked where she works, about her job, told her I just finished school and was hoping to be D'd soon--how I wanted to spend a few more weeks with my son who is 15 and has had me as a SAHM all his life and also I didn't want to start a job until the D was finished.
She gave me her name and number. She said to call her when I was certified and done with my divorce.
Things like this happen ALL THE TIME!
I know I'm on a bit of a "high" right now. But daily I marvel at what is happening in my life. It's too much for me sometimes to contemplate. I have a trust and a confidence I didn't think existed. Who am I ? I ask my son.
He laughs at me. I'm his crazy mom of course. He is so beautiful. He took care of his mom after the bite--wrapped her leg--cleaned up the blood all over the porch. He wasn't freaked out at all. He was so cool and collected in a crisis. Blood doesn't bother him. He thinks he might become a physician assistant like his dad.
Focus on the positives. No matter what--they are there. And laugh. Always laugh!
