I have had places in my life where I felt safe with my feelings. As you can imagine, they have been pretty rare, and in those situations I became very dependent upon those particular situations. I think that is one of the problems with my relationship with W - for a long time she was sort of my "safe place," making me very dependent on her. That becomes a problem when there is friction between us, because under those circumstances I cannot allow her the freedom to back off from me, because it would mean losing the only context where I know how to process my feelings. Problem is that once I realized this, I HAD to give her space (hey, I may be insensitive sometimes, but I do care about her needs), but I still didn't have anyplace else to go with my feelings. They just kind of shut off.
I am aware that I have feelings. Often painfully aware. That is the problem - not that I don't have them, but that they often overwhelm me because I don't know where they fit in to my thoughts and perceptions. That oversimplifies it, but I think you understand.
Acting impulsively sounds nice. I get scared to just act because I have often done things that seemed harmless to me, and found out that they weren't. Believe me, that is not intended to be an excuse not to change, just an obstacle I have to deal with. It really is scary, because the last thing I want to do is to hurt anyone. Maybe what you were talking about with the feelings - in little, safe scenarios - might help.
You give me a lot to think about. Perhaps as important, you give me someone else I can open up to.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
