I can take that punch!

[Redo]

Journaling...

I am going through a weird phase these past 3~4 days. I'll be ready to take any 2x4's my way

So while i have not be looking to meet anyone, during the early stages of our sitch i signed up on this website where you can meet other divorced individuals. I had an account, but i never created a profile nor submitted one.

Every now and then the website spams me with their matches and i usually delete them without opening. I know that i am emotionally at a weak state and don't want to compromise myself.

But last week when i feeling unusually down, i opened their matching list. Saw someone and now my mind is totally screwed up.

I have no clue what's happening in my sitch. Yup, i talk to D everyday and wife helps with D talking to me. We are cordial.

But at the same time W tells me how D will come and stay with me, how we should do things together etc. Which i guess points to a future where we are Divorced.

And on top of that, I have no idea what's going on in terms of her L not getting back with the draft decree that W was anxious to tell me.

Sometimes i feel that i am ready to move on completely, but then again i feel like i might freak out if the divorce does go through.

Now that i have seen this new person on the website, i think: should i just pursue that route?? Then again i feel that i'll be cheating on my wife because technically we are still married.

But sometimes my rational side tells me to just take a break from all this R stuff. While i agree with it, sometimes i just want that 'love' from another person. This lonely life i guess is just getting to me.

Man i wish i never opened that email Argh....

Just venting.