Now we know that we cannot mind read, but there does seem to be a common understanding that if someone is ANGRY at us, it's because they CARE. What we DO NOT know is WHAT the care about...
Letting go the lies is going to be the biggest thing you can do. Open, honest communication not just with your wife, but with everyone, including yourself. Of course, that is within reason. There is a point and time when revealing "truths" to the wrong person or at the wrong time can be harmful to all... so think before saying something. Not the little things that may sting or hurt... BIG things, that should take time to come out...
Your W does not trust you. I'm sure you understand why. You will tell her "truths" and she may not believe you. You have the right frame on that. You cannot MAKE her believe everything you tell her. Eventually, she may start to trust you more.
If she does not believe you, be very straight forward with her. Like arguing the details of a phone bill... you have to LET HER have it... "I am telling you the truth and I understand you do not believe me and I have to be OK with that, but I will continue to tell you the truth."
It will be a long hard road, I am sure... and if it's worth it for you... then keep at it... I get a sense that you're doing a great job as your first steps...
