I had a thread in piecing but over the last two days we are no longer piecing.
W and I have been married close to 11 years. Last summer she had an EA that turned into a PA. I immediately felt betrayed and angry but did the usual crying, begging, and pleading.
She had made plans for a weekend getaway with OM and told her if she did and followed through then I would file, which I did. Then I discovered the book and the site and decided I want to save my M. DB'b my a$$ off and did a complete 180 from the H I was which she was unhappy with. Last week my IC even mentioned that in her 25 years of C that she has never seen someone that has done the complete 180 like I have.
In December my W mentioned that she wants to work on the M and we started MC. I heard her complaints which I knew what they were and had already corrected most of them.
Things were well for a while. And we withdrew the D.
I have been trying everything I can to try and make a better relationship for not only us a family but for us as a couple. My W has stated that she has been trying all along but I haven't seen any effort on her part. The only thing she did do was end her A but nothing more.
She finally told me last night that she has had enough and didn't want to try anymore. I didn't beg, plead or cry just listened and validated. Told her that I understood where she was coming from but I still didn't think divorce was the answer for us.
She told me that she would move out and we would have joint physical custody of our children. I didn't give her any answers and even told her I didn't want anyone to move out. This morning she changed her tune and called me every name in the book for putting her and the kids out on the street. She told me that when she said that she was testing me to see if I did the right thing by her and the kids and I be the one to move out.
Even though this is my second time around for this and I believe I am in a much better place personally to handle this it still hurts so much.
Is there any hope?
There is a difference between knowing the path & walking the path. – Morpheus
BM77, there is always hope, but it's the hope that you have to hold for the M. Your W is at the center of her universe, and nothing else matters to her except her own needs & desires.
"This morning she changed her tune and called me every name in the book for putting her and the kids out on the street. She told me that when she said that she was testing me to see if I did the right thing by her and the kids and I be the one to move out."
Do NOT move out, and try to keep your kids in their house. Let your W feel the consequences for her words and actions. She is convinced she's doing nothing wrong and you are doing nothing right.
Detach and back away; sounds like you already know how to do that. Your focus now is on you and your kids.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
sorry to hear piecing don't work out. I understand how you feel. Good job not "arguing" the case for R. They say in the real estate business it's location, location, location.
In relationships it's all about validation, validation, validation!
FWIW, your W has lost the attraction to you. Focus on being attractive, there's plenty of threads here on that topic.
The hurt isn't as bad as the first time, but it still stings. Been there, done that.
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This morning she changed her tune and called me every name in the book for putting her and the kids out on the street. She told me that when she said that she was testing me to see if I did the right thing by her and the kids and I be the one to move out.
WTF!?!
Why in the world would she expect you to move out? She's the one breaking away, let her move out.
I feel your pain. Stay focused and strong. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I'm not a big believer on this word HOPE. Hope is an inactive belief things will turn out the way we want them to. I'm more into FAITH. I realize no matter the outcome of my sitch, I WILL be better than before.
Prepare for either outcome, check your emaotions at the door and think your way through this process.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
My focus has been on me and the kids for the past year and I have seen that they have grown closer to me and further away from her in that time. She also blames me that my attitude has changed the she is towards them and she's losing that connection she had with them. I have yet to bring up the fact that when she isn't working she's out with her friends and barely there anyway. And when she is there she is either talking on the phone or texting.
This was the house that I grew up in and no I don't want to lose that. My mother passed away a few years ago and being there makes the sting of losing her a little easier to handle. It also makes me very happy that the kids are gorwing up where I did. My W seems to think that me being the man that I should be the one to leave. And she hates me even more for not agreeing to that.
There is a difference between knowing the path & walking the path. – Morpheus
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I'm not a big believer on this word HOPE. Hope is an inactive belief things will turn out the way we want them to. I'm more into FAITH. I realize no matter the outcome of my sitch, I WILL be better than before.
Prepare for either outcome, check your emaotions at the door and think your way through this process.
Thanks GR8. I know in a weird way that I am better off for having this happen to me. I have grown so much as a person in the last year that I love who i've turned into and I will make someone very very happy.
The thing that is really getting to me now is the possibility of me not waking up in the morning to the kids jumping in bed or me being able to tuck them it night.
There is a difference between knowing the path & walking the path. – Morpheus
I have yet to bring up the fact that when she isn't working she's out with her friends and barely there anyway. And when she is there she is either talking on the phone or texting.
Don't be afraid to throw truth darts.
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My W seems to think that me being the man that I should be the one to leave. And she hates me even more for not agreeing to that.
Response: W, I have chosen to work on the M. If you are unhappy with the way things are here in the home you have two choices, Working on the marriage or leaving the marriage. The choice is yours. I will continue to be a role model for the kids and raise them in this home.
She may be mad but you'll earn respect. Hold onto your beliefs.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
"I'm not a big believer on this word HOPE. Hope is an inactive belief things will turn out the way we want them to. I'm more into FAITH. I realize no matter the outcome of my sitch, I WILL be better than before."
Good reply, gr8 day 2B alive. I'll need to replace the word "hope" with "faith".
I'm in York, PA. You?
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
The thing that is really getting to me now is the possibility of me not waking up in the morning to the kids jumping in bed or me being able to tuck them it night.
I completely understnad and you will go through other cycle of emotions if/when this happens.
Good news is though, the human species is very good at adaptation. I remember those days of dropping the kids off and coming home to a quiet house. It sicked in the beginning but now I enjoy "My Time" to do whatever I wish to do. Your free time will be an opportunity for you to start living again.
Embrace change, it's the one constant action.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
