This is hard to say and do but slowly start cutting her out of your life, physically, emotionally and financially.
She's the subset of WAW I call a cake eater. As others have said she is trying to have it both ways.
Keep DBing fix your flaws, GAL, and become a better man. Clearly if she is leading a double life she values some aspects of your life together. By improving yourself you are making yourself more valuable to her.
After clear improvements have been made start letting her go and semi going WAS yourself. Hopefully she will realize what she is losing, and what little she has to gain with OM. This is my interpretation of LRT.
Just be prepared cause she might not come back. That's why I suggest a slower more methodical approach to LRT built on a strong foundation of self improvement. Hopefully she'll realize what she stands to lose. If you drop an ultimatum too soon she'll run just to prove a point.
If you methodically cut her out she'll feel less pressured to justify her actions and more open to seeing her mistakes. A strong confrontation will just get her to be stubborn to defend her actions.
Let her freak out on her own because she is losing the best thing in her life, and will be stuck with what seems to be a user and a loser.
Now I know this is easier said than done. Last thing you want is to separate even more. It's hard but it works.
Remember the harder you chase the harder she'll run.
Now don't be surprised if she starts throwing the word divorce around. It'll hurt. Just remember this phrase it has helped many here:
"I'm sorry you feel that way, I don't want a divorce, but if it's what you really want there's nothing I can do"
This phrase is hard to say, but it disarms them. She'll blame all her actions on you. The affair is your fault, her unhappiness is your fault etc, etc, etc. The phrase let's her know that you want the marriage to work, but if she insists in destroying it, it's her decision. If you are DBing properly and removing her reasons for acting the way she did, then she has no one to blame but herself.
