Wow, it has been a year since the bomb dropped and it has been months since I posted. I was talking to a friend about why I stopped posting and I think it is because I really had my support system in place with certain people that I was close to and I was moving forward. (well, stumbling forward is a better word)
But lately I have been thinking about the DB site and wondering what everyone was up to, and thought that at my 1 year anniversary I would reflect...
* H moved in with OW * House is up for sale * Divorce should be final beginning of Sept. * Had to give away my golden retriever to my siser-in-law because I won't be able to rent a place with 2 big dogs * still great friends with my STBXH * trying really really hard to forgive OW so I don't live with hate in my heart * enjoying the new closeness I have with my Ds * enjoying my career again * embrasing my loneliness (hardest part right now) * 1/2 of me really looking forward to my new path in life * 1/2 of me still grieving the loss of my "old" life * loving the fact that I am financially independent * encouraging friends and family to forgive H * trying really really hard to forgive OW so I don't live with hate in my heart - oh wait, I already mentioned this one!lol! can you tell this one is a MAJOR struggle for me?
A year later, life is different. I wouldn't say I am a different person now - just certain things about me have either been enhanced or changed. Take for example, I love harder, I take forgiveness very seriously, I am capable of great understanding and i don't take loved ones for granted. I am more sensitive to those around me who hurt. I have a low threshold for "standing still" - I just want to move forward. I still get sad when new situations with STBXH and OW happen. but I quickly rebound.
I was seeing someone for a while - if you want to call it that. It was an "old love" from the summer after I graduated from HS. we connected on FB (SURPRISE). He lives 5 hours away, so we have gotten together 4 times over the last 4 months. He is broken too bad divorce 2 years ago and he has not done the work on himself to move forward. He is a runner (hates the word "relationship"). wonderful man, but I don't have the patience anymore for someone who can't be in a grown-up relationship. WHY should I?
but I am so thankful to him, because I really think a big part of my journey and my healing has been because of him. I learned that there is more out there than my H. I can love again (I didn't fall in love with him, but I knew I was going to be capable of love again because of him).
Am I done with my journey? hell no. but I am much closer than I was 6 months ago, 3 months ago...Am I still in love with my H? yes, but I am in a place now where I can let him go and not feel like my world is caving in. I really do want happiness for him. I want peace for him. truly.
Divorce doesn't have to be the worse thing my children and I go through in life...and I am the only one that can make that true.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Forward - i would agree. I will be on this journey for a long time I think. but it is easier to take the journey now - not quite so painful. In the beginning you have to MAKE yourself start the journey of finding yourself, moving forward, letting go...now the journey has some adventure to it. can actually be rewarding and fun. It is still a stuggle, but not as much of one.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Saw this quote today and loved it - thought I would share...
"You can come out of the furnace of trouble two ways: if you let it consume you, you come out a cinder; but there is a kind of metal which refuses to be consumed, and comes out a star." ~Jean Church~
Though most of us never realize it, difficulties don't come into our lives to hurt us. That is never their purpose. They come simply to give us an opportunity to let our light out. They come to give us a reason to shine. May every situation in your life serve to remind you to let your light shine brightly.
.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
"We used to do alot of things differently. Some good some bad."
I KNOW RIGHT?
my text in return was..."I don't know what you mean, we talk all of the time."
He didn't respond. He knew that was my way of avoiding his real question.
About 2 weeks ago, I was helping friends of mine whos home had caught on fire. I had thier children stay at my house so they didn't have to all cram into the hotel that was provided. I got a text from H that said," I just want you to know that what you are doing for your friends is amazing. I am truly going to hell for what i did to you - cause you are an angel."
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
* trying really really hard to forgive OW so I don't live with hate in my heart
Hey TAMF,
Good to see you back on here. I take a different approach to that particular goal of yours. Others may disagree. I don't think the OW deserves your forgiveness and I'm sure she hasn't asked for it. So why give it? It's NOT Ok what she did especially given the fact that she knew the sitch.
HOWEVER, not living with hate in your heart is a very good goal. But not one that requires forgiving the OW. Choosing not to hate is a totally different thing. I wavered between hate and pity of the OW in my sitch. As things progress, it changes more towards pity every day because DAMN, my H is/was BROKEN as hell. I sometimes have to wonder why she even wanted him! I know he probably put on a show for her and didn't really show how broken he truly was but still, any woman that find that type of dysfunction as their "ideal" has something wrong with them as well. And that's why I end up more towards pity. Just my two cents.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
bad divorce 2 years ago and he has not done the work on himself to move forward. He is a runner (hates the word "relationship"). wonderful man, but I don't have the patience anymore for someone who can't be in a grown-up relationship. WHY should I? 